Pursue Peace

I have survived another night of class.  That sounds very dramatic.  It is.  Surviving is what I do when I go to yoga class on Thursday nights.  It's still hard for me to get to class.  I struggle and have to really throw myself Southwest in my sister's Jeep.  I can't explain it or why it happens, it just does.  I prefer to stay home and read, write, watch TV and stare.  Am I lazy, unmotivated or just nuts?  I am praying I am just nuts.  I don't want to be lazy or unmotivated.  : )  The fact is, I get there. 

Last Thursday night was a true test of my survival skills.  When I arrived at Pranayoga southwest location, the room was packed with bodies.  I had to go to the front of class.  It was okay for a second.  I realized I was up front, but kind of in a corner out of view.  THEN Dani came in and made everyone move their mats and form straight lines.  This was done because of the huge class.  I swear, I think there were 30 or more people in that class.  I was so upset because by the time I gathered all my stuff, I was the ONLY one in the very front row.  One of my classmates in yoga teacher class said, "Teacher's favorite : )" because I was right up there!  I laughed but inside, YIKES!  I felt so on display...naked.  (get the blog title???) 

Thankfully and unfortunately, more and more people showed up and crammed me way to the side by the wall.  I was kind of hidden again.  It was so hot in the studio.  I was sweating just sitting there.  Then the actual practice started and Dani felt like picking up the speed.  Usually, Dani is about slow movements.  Well, we were not moving slow.  It was pose, next pose, next pose...fast.  YIKES.  I couldn't keep up.  I couldn't do everything she was having the class do...but I only felt a little like a loser.  ha  In other words, I didn't want to curl up and cry.  I did cry a little, but I didn't curl up!  ha ha  Seriously, I am learning the way of the yogi, not to let your perceptions interrupt your practice.  So, I did what I could.  It is still hard, but it is getting easier.  We are reading about all the great yoga teachers and learning their ways.  One thing that stands out and a good lesson in life no matter what you are doing....meet your student where they are and go on from there.  You have to think about each individual and what they are capable of physically and mentally.  During the whole class, I kept telling myself that and praying.  When I am praying, I usually say this phrase over and over in my head, "All my dreams are coming true."  For some reason, this is a real prayer for me.  This phrase centers me and makes me smile while the sweat pours off me and all over my mat and I have to grip with my hands even harder so I don't slip like a "Slip 'N Slide."  I really need to buy those special grippy gloves and sockies that grip.  If I don't , I am going to slide right out of class on my sweat!

After that workout, we had our meeting.  We are down to 11 people in our class.  My man left me.  There was one guy in the first class and I was really excited.  He and I were getting along right away.  We shared the pain.  : )  I am not sure if he was just missing the 2nd class or if he had quit.  I am afraid he quit.  I have always gotten along better with men.  It's not that I don't love women and have women friends, but I have always clicked with men better.  That is why I have so many gay male friends!  I also have straight male friends, but not really.  Once they get married or have a girlfriend, I am out of the picture.  As women, we need to be more secure and have more self esteem.  I hope that when I am married (? ya never know ?) I am more secure and have my own life that I share with my husband.  There is a big difference.  I really like all the women in my class.  I don't know if I should say names or make up names.  I am not clear on blogging etiquette.  I don't have anything nasty to say, but you know how people are sometimes.  You say something to be funny and they do not get it.  OOPS  That happens to me all the time. 

Ok, back to class.  One of my classmates made tea and we had what Dani calls "altar."  This weeks "altar" was to bring an item in that means a lot to you or that helps further define you.  I was stuck.  I ended up bringing a Petoskey Stone.  They look like regular grey stones, but when wet, one can see fossils covering it.  When I was little, we would walk along and collect these stones when my family vacationed in Michigan.  We always went to the "Bay", which was like an inlet (or outlet?  what am I saying? ha) of Lake Michigan near Traverse Bay.  We would stay in cottages or homes really, that this family had and my parents became good friends with over the summers.  It's terrible, but I don't remember their names!  Anyway, I feel like a Petoskey Stone.  I look one way now, but I am manifesting another me...the real me.  I have lost my way a bit and have gotten totally out of shape, but I am so much better now.  I can feel my body changing and becoming stronger.  I am seeing myself in a more flattering way, which is more important than what others think.  I am loving myself more and more as I learn more and more about yoga.  My body is happy.  My spirit is happy and my mind quiets down a bit.  Pursuing peace.  That is what is going on!

(Petoskey Stone Facts taken from http://www.bernardine.com/gemstones/petoskey.htm)

Petoskey stone is a fossilized coral, the state stone of Michigan and is commonly found along the shores of Lake Michigan and Lake Huron in the United States. 

It was formed by the fossilization of ancient coral, hexagonaria. These corals lived in warm shallow seas that covered Michigan during Devonian time, some 350 million years ago.

During Devonian time, Michigan was quite different. Geographically, what is now Michigan was near the equator. The area covered by a warm shallow sea which was an ideal habitat for marine life.

The name Petoskey is a derivation of the name Petosegay, the name given to the son of a Frenchman who married an Ottwa Indian princess and later became the tribes' chief . The translation means "rising sun" or "rays of dawn". 

I want to say, the sweat is good.  I feel like the sweating is getting rid of anything negative in my body and spirit that hurts me.  I am the only one who can clear all the crap up, what better way than yoga.  I am pursuing peace.  I pursue peace within myself for myself.  No one else is going to save me and give me an excellent life.  I have to do it.  Just me. 

Oh, one more thing.  We also watched some of the movie, "Yoga Unveiled".  It was very good.  I want to rent it and complete the movie.  If you want to learn a lot about the famous yogis and yoga itself, that is a great movie!

Peace Love Joy
Amy

P.S.  I am going to start including yogi names and poses.  I just didn't have my book with me for this post.  ha  I promise, more info!

P.P.S.  The pictures are of Petoskey Stones that I found on Google and the last picture is of my twin Sarah, me and our older sister, Becky, in Michigan.  Don't we look happy!  By the way, I used to think I was super fat.  I was in maybe 5th or 6th grade there, and hardly fat.  I was just tall!  That is why I have a tall person's mentality.  I was tall for so many years...then about 7th grade...others were catching up and getting taller!  sucks  : )