THE FIRST ABRAHAM-HICKS WORKSHOP BROADCAST LIVE

Okay, this is Ester Hicks channeling Abraham.  I love this particular piece because it is addressing what I am currently struggling with....what's that?  Well, I will tell you.  I am constantly knowingly and unknowingly attempting a QUANTUM LEAP! and it's making me crazy.  I have to believe in myself, be happy, know the Universe loves me and wants to make me happy and that is it!  So, I am going that way! 

I will publish another blog asap.  I quantum leaped into a pile of OMG, I am not ready to teach yoga!  More on that later.

Peace Love JOY
Amy

Yoga Diet

There is no such thing as a yoga diet.  You do not ever never ever have to diet.  Yoga will do it for you.  Seriously.

I remember when Dani told me this and I was thinking, "whatever lady!"  But she was a correct lady.  Tonight is a perfect example of the yoga diet that is not a diet.

You over indulge, just a little, yoga will kick your ass!  I had roasted veggies/potatoes and bread for dinner.  Sounds good, healthy...portion control went out the window and I ate enough for a family of 4 little people.  Okay, not that much, 3 little people.  OH..I forgot to mention, a dish of ice cream.  I was soooooo sick.  You can never overeat and be a yogi at the same time.  Even "good" food will make you sick. I'm not talking about just regular oooooof  I am full gotta unzip the pants sick.  No No No!  I am talking sick.  Like, I wanted to puke sick.  I had to retire to my bed and hold my teddy bear, Holly.  (She is Christmas themed, it's not her fault.)  I have provided a picture.  Be careful, it's not pretty. 



Me with Holly, hanging on for dear life!  ugh  : /

So, let that be a warning to all of you considering a life with yoga.  It is a commitment and yoga is a bitch...yoga always wins! 

Yoga will make you happy.  Yoga will make you healthy.  Yoga will kick your ASSSSSSS!  And you will love it!  : )

Peace Love JOY
Amy

Speechless

I have made some changes to this post and the background colors.  I have heard from some of my friends that the post was difficult to read because of the colors.  I had colored the background as opposed to the letters, making it a challenge to read.  So, I am republishing it.  Read it again and enjoy!
Peace Love JOY
Amy




I am speechless, just like Lady Gaga.  I have had so much change in the past year, I am spinning a bit.  I know, I know...I requested a quantum leap from the Universe!  Be careful what you ask for...but I am happy.  All my dreams are coming true.



I took this photograph and I call it "Quantum Leap".  It was simply my DVR paused.  Cool.  I took it with my camera phone.  : )

 I like this color now. 


Okay, I want to talk about Circuit training.  I am taking the class again tomorrow and I am very excited about it.  It was very simple, move fast and build up endurance and muscle.  Oh, I became very sick in the class last week.  Like, I am gagging and throwing up a bit in my mouth.  Yes, that kind of sick.  I couldn't bend over or crunch my stomach for a time.  I literally, no joke, was thinking, how can I puke here in the studio.  I mean, that will really look bad.  BUT, the teacher, Jina, was really great.  She took her time with me and helped me get through my puke moments.  I realized I really need this class each week to help me become a better yogi.  The ladies in that class were so sweet.  They were very motherly to me and took care of me.  I didn't really feel badly because of their kindness.  I look forward to class tomorrow.

Okay, changing colors is fun, right?   Let me know if this is crazy, but I am feeling colorful.  : )

Now, last Thursday, doing the yoga...had a MAJOR panic attack.  I was very close to running like a mad woman out of the studio.  I just could not breathe and I felt totally closed in and freaked out.  Dani, of course, noticed.  She came over and I chokingly said, "I can't believe it but I am having a panic attack."  Well, I said something like that.  She told me, "It's okay, I've got you." and she massaged my shoulders a bit before taking care of the class.  I felt so terribly.  I felt like an idiot.  The class was packed.  Our teacher training starts out with an All Levels Yoga class with Dani.  It's a very popular class because Dani is fabulous.  It is all levels, meaning there is some crazy poses going on.  I like to try and do every single pose.  Most of the time, I make up an adaption or Dani teaches an adaption.  I was struggling, bawling, yes BAWLING!  Luckily, I was in the back of class and was not disturbing many people.  It's funny, one of my classmates, Amanda, was beside me.  I told her, half laughing and crying, I am having a panic attack.  Amanda says, "I know, I can't breathe!"  She is funny and sweet.  The room was full of sweaty yogis and the air was not moving.  I am sure that contributed to my anxiety.  Yet, before I left for class that day, I knew I was on the verge of a panic attack.  Being an agoraphobic,majorly depressed, unpublished writer/artist who has very few vices left, it's really hard to get out into the public.  I should have taken a pill, but I didn't.  I convinced myself that I was going to yoga...peace and love peace and love WAIT!  Forgot I was crazy!!!!  ha  Anyway, I won't make that same mistake twice.  I will take the "pill" if I need to and not feel badly about it.  I need the help now, so use it. 

After class, I was exhausted.  I still felt a bit like a loser and was definitely embarrassed.  Oh, I forgot to mention, towards the end of class, as I was red-eyed and sweating in a seated position, Dani came behind me and rubbed my shoulders again and her little knees were massaging my lower back.  While she was there, I felt better...lighter. 

During our lecture time, Dani was teaching us about the Yamas and the Niyamas. The yamas are about our relationship to the world around us and the Niyamas are about the relationship to self, ourselves.  These are the tools for us to achieve balance in our lives.  That is what yoga is all about.  The Yamas:

Ahimsa: non-violence in every and any way
Satya: truthfulness ( but not to the point that you are hurtful to someone.  I feel that it means you are kind.)
Asteya: not stealing
Brahmacharya:  moderation/appropriateness
Aparigraha:  greediness/non-hoarding (working on it!)

The Niyamas are:
Sauca:  cleanliness (majorly important.  I bathe every day now and before and after yoga so my sweat is clean!  Also, I am applying this to my house, our car...well, Sarah's car...but I get to use it!)
Santosa: Contentedness
Tapah:  willingness, inner discipline.  (This is what I apply every damn day as I try to get out of the house.  I make it...sometimes I don't.  I will never stop.)
Svardhaya:  Self reflection, self study.  (Just plain old fashioned self love and interest in yourself.)
Isvara Prandrhana:  Devotion to or believing there is a higher source, the Divine, The Universe, God, Buddha, you.  : )

Don't take my word for it.  I am just learning all this and I may be wrong.  If any yogi out there has a comment, comment!  : ) 

Then Dani gave us a beautiful gift.  She taught us a meditation that will help others and yourself.  It's a quick meditation and it was beautiful.  All you do is sit comfortably with a straight spine.  Make sure you are well grounded.  Picture a person you know who is suffering.  See them, their face contorted in pain, sick or angry, crying or sad.  As you see them, begin to see a black cloud or mist forming, coming out of them and into you.  As this blackness enters you, imagine it being transformed into a BRIGHT light.  This bright light overtakes your vision, coming out of your eyes, finger tips, toes...everywhere.  Then see the person in front of you again.  See their face smiling, their aura is light and happy, they look younger, relaxed and peaceful.  ahhhhhhhhhhhhh  You can picture yourself too. 

The reason I have shared this meditation is because it is beautiful.  You can help others and fill yourself with love and light.  Also, I think Dani did that same meditation for me.  I didn't ask her, but when she was crouched down behind me toward the end of class, massaging my shoulders and lower back with her knees, I felt clean, full of love and light.  I felt her love and kindness powerfully.  Whether she did this meditation with me or not, it doesn't matter.  She gave me a gift.  For I was able to remember I was there, I was there and I was loved.  I am crying thinking about it again.  Because of this love, I have discovered something. 

I have discovered why I have been struggling so much.  When I started yoga, I was a mess, yes, but I was just a client.  I was coming to class, no pressure to perform well or meet any standard.  I was there just for me and I got better and better.  Then I let my fears take over again.  We did have some financial issues that prevented me from going back to class, but I did let depression and fear take over for a time.  In that time, Dani, who is a busy lady, kept in contact with me all the time.   I signed up for teacher training.  Yoga hasn't been easy.  It was not easy before and I still practiced at home, but this time, I have been really suffering.  I realized what it was when I was driving home from class last Thursday night.  Now that I am in "teacher training" I am thinking, "I have to be better now now now fast fast fast!  I have to be good, I am studying to teach.  OMG, I suck I suck I am a loser.  Dani will regret letting me in!  OMG  Faster Pussycat, Kill Kill"  Ok, that's a movie.  But that is how I have been feeling.  I still feel that, a little. 


At least now, I can say, hey dumbass, WTF, you can't learn all this in a day, ding dong! 

Today I went to therapeutic yoga with Linda.  I love Linda because she tells me like it is.  I had trouble today with my left foot again and the Warrior 2 pose was nearly impossible for me to do.  Warrior 2 is not a difficult pose.  Well, it is because all yoga is difficult, but easy because your body needs and wants it bad.  But when your foot is in crazy pain, it's hard to hold the pose.  I sat down on my mat.  Linda said, "We can talk after class why you are having trouble."  Linda is great at making you realize you are having a problem because of something else.  It isn't the class or the pose, it's you.  I sat down and was like  "what is your problem, Amy ding dong dork?"  I took a drink of water, popped an Advil and got right back up.  Guess what!  We were doing balancing pose, the Tree pose, a pose I do struggle with...and I did it perfectly!  Well, perfectly for me.  I can't put my heel up into my vagina like some people, but I was focused and still with my arms UP stretching for the Divine!  After class, I told Linda how I realized I was putting all this crazy pressure on myself.  Linda told me she noticed I would be gritting my teeth.  She quoted a famous yogi (forgot who!) and said, "One face, many poses."  You never should push yourself farther than you can go.  You meet yourself or the student where they are and go from there.  I want a serene face with a smile.




This picture was stolen from one of my FB friends.  Yeah, that's how I roll!  : )


As I continue on this path, I am marveling at how smarty pants I am !  I am learning so much about yoga, life and most importantly, myself.  I am a pretty cool chick!  I have it going on, Mister!

I appreciate all my followers and would appreciate more!  I want comments and discussion.  Just because I do! 

Thanks for reading.  I love you.  Peace Love JOY

Amy  (yogi) 
xo

Circuit Training!!!!!

"Build strength, stamina, and endurance with Circuit Training. With a mix of cardio, resistance training, and abdominal strength, this class is designed to target fat loss, muscle building, and heart health. Circuit Training is appropriate for all levels of fitness."

The above is a description of a class I am taking tomorrow morning.  I am scared for I have never taken this yoga class nor with this teacher.  Her name is Jina and she looks strong!  I have to take this class.  Why?  I need to build up more core strength to get me through those tough poses.  I will do the best I can and I will let you all know. 

Class is tomorrow at 10:30 am.  Send me some good vibes and PRAYERS!  ha

Peace Love Joy

Amy

Pursue Peace

I have survived another night of class.  That sounds very dramatic.  It is.  Surviving is what I do when I go to yoga class on Thursday nights.  It's still hard for me to get to class.  I struggle and have to really throw myself Southwest in my sister's Jeep.  I can't explain it or why it happens, it just does.  I prefer to stay home and read, write, watch TV and stare.  Am I lazy, unmotivated or just nuts?  I am praying I am just nuts.  I don't want to be lazy or unmotivated.  : )  The fact is, I get there. 

Last Thursday night was a true test of my survival skills.  When I arrived at Pranayoga southwest location, the room was packed with bodies.  I had to go to the front of class.  It was okay for a second.  I realized I was up front, but kind of in a corner out of view.  THEN Dani came in and made everyone move their mats and form straight lines.  This was done because of the huge class.  I swear, I think there were 30 or more people in that class.  I was so upset because by the time I gathered all my stuff, I was the ONLY one in the very front row.  One of my classmates in yoga teacher class said, "Teacher's favorite : )" because I was right up there!  I laughed but inside, YIKES!  I felt so on display...naked.  (get the blog title???) 

Thankfully and unfortunately, more and more people showed up and crammed me way to the side by the wall.  I was kind of hidden again.  It was so hot in the studio.  I was sweating just sitting there.  Then the actual practice started and Dani felt like picking up the speed.  Usually, Dani is about slow movements.  Well, we were not moving slow.  It was pose, next pose, next pose...fast.  YIKES.  I couldn't keep up.  I couldn't do everything she was having the class do...but I only felt a little like a loser.  ha  In other words, I didn't want to curl up and cry.  I did cry a little, but I didn't curl up!  ha ha  Seriously, I am learning the way of the yogi, not to let your perceptions interrupt your practice.  So, I did what I could.  It is still hard, but it is getting easier.  We are reading about all the great yoga teachers and learning their ways.  One thing that stands out and a good lesson in life no matter what you are doing....meet your student where they are and go on from there.  You have to think about each individual and what they are capable of physically and mentally.  During the whole class, I kept telling myself that and praying.  When I am praying, I usually say this phrase over and over in my head, "All my dreams are coming true."  For some reason, this is a real prayer for me.  This phrase centers me and makes me smile while the sweat pours off me and all over my mat and I have to grip with my hands even harder so I don't slip like a "Slip 'N Slide."  I really need to buy those special grippy gloves and sockies that grip.  If I don't , I am going to slide right out of class on my sweat!

After that workout, we had our meeting.  We are down to 11 people in our class.  My man left me.  There was one guy in the first class and I was really excited.  He and I were getting along right away.  We shared the pain.  : )  I am not sure if he was just missing the 2nd class or if he had quit.  I am afraid he quit.  I have always gotten along better with men.  It's not that I don't love women and have women friends, but I have always clicked with men better.  That is why I have so many gay male friends!  I also have straight male friends, but not really.  Once they get married or have a girlfriend, I am out of the picture.  As women, we need to be more secure and have more self esteem.  I hope that when I am married (? ya never know ?) I am more secure and have my own life that I share with my husband.  There is a big difference.  I really like all the women in my class.  I don't know if I should say names or make up names.  I am not clear on blogging etiquette.  I don't have anything nasty to say, but you know how people are sometimes.  You say something to be funny and they do not get it.  OOPS  That happens to me all the time. 

Ok, back to class.  One of my classmates made tea and we had what Dani calls "altar."  This weeks "altar" was to bring an item in that means a lot to you or that helps further define you.  I was stuck.  I ended up bringing a Petoskey Stone.  They look like regular grey stones, but when wet, one can see fossils covering it.  When I was little, we would walk along and collect these stones when my family vacationed in Michigan.  We always went to the "Bay", which was like an inlet (or outlet?  what am I saying? ha) of Lake Michigan near Traverse Bay.  We would stay in cottages or homes really, that this family had and my parents became good friends with over the summers.  It's terrible, but I don't remember their names!  Anyway, I feel like a Petoskey Stone.  I look one way now, but I am manifesting another me...the real me.  I have lost my way a bit and have gotten totally out of shape, but I am so much better now.  I can feel my body changing and becoming stronger.  I am seeing myself in a more flattering way, which is more important than what others think.  I am loving myself more and more as I learn more and more about yoga.  My body is happy.  My spirit is happy and my mind quiets down a bit.  Pursuing peace.  That is what is going on!

(Petoskey Stone Facts taken from http://www.bernardine.com/gemstones/petoskey.htm)

Petoskey stone is a fossilized coral, the state stone of Michigan and is commonly found along the shores of Lake Michigan and Lake Huron in the United States. 

It was formed by the fossilization of ancient coral, hexagonaria. These corals lived in warm shallow seas that covered Michigan during Devonian time, some 350 million years ago.

During Devonian time, Michigan was quite different. Geographically, what is now Michigan was near the equator. The area covered by a warm shallow sea which was an ideal habitat for marine life.

The name Petoskey is a derivation of the name Petosegay, the name given to the son of a Frenchman who married an Ottwa Indian princess and later became the tribes' chief . The translation means "rising sun" or "rays of dawn". 

I want to say, the sweat is good.  I feel like the sweating is getting rid of anything negative in my body and spirit that hurts me.  I am the only one who can clear all the crap up, what better way than yoga.  I am pursuing peace.  I pursue peace within myself for myself.  No one else is going to save me and give me an excellent life.  I have to do it.  Just me. 

Oh, one more thing.  We also watched some of the movie, "Yoga Unveiled".  It was very good.  I want to rent it and complete the movie.  If you want to learn a lot about the famous yogis and yoga itself, that is a great movie!

Peace Love Joy
Amy

P.S.  I am going to start including yogi names and poses.  I just didn't have my book with me for this post.  ha  I promise, more info!

P.P.S.  The pictures are of Petoskey Stones that I found on Google and the last picture is of my twin Sarah, me and our older sister, Becky, in Michigan.  Don't we look happy!  By the way, I used to think I was super fat.  I was in maybe 5th or 6th grade there, and hardly fat.  I was just tall!  That is why I have a tall person's mentality.  I was tall for so many years...then about 7th grade...others were catching up and getting taller!  sucks  : )

Therapeutic Yoga : ) Loving Amy

Today I enjoyed Therapeutic Yoga with a new teacher, Linda.  She isn't a new teacher, but she was new to me.  I LOVED IT. 

We started by laying on our backs.  We were asked to breathe deeply and slowly.  I always start out very nervous, my breath a little scattered or a little too forced.  I enjoy it when my breath becomes more uninhibited.  I am super inhibited.  Every class, in the beginning, I am out of breath, very talkative and jokey.  I am not open to just be me at first.  This class was a chance for me to learn how to make my practice all about me.  I admit, I am too concerned with what I can't do or how well others are doing.  It is a major distraction and can be really frustrating. 

As we continue to stretch and move our limbs into various poses, my Plantar Fasciitis in my left foot comes out to piss me off again.   This pain in the heel and outer edge of my left foot started after I had been doing yoga for about 3 months.  When it first happened, I could hardly walk.  Now, I don't really notice it at all until Warrior Pose.  OUCH!  It never fails to flare up and it did today.  I was so frustrated as I forced myself to stay in that pose and the pain was so bad.  I had to stop the pose, feeling like a failure.  It hurt so that I couldn't even do a Tree Pose. (Balance) Linda, the wonderful teacher, came over and I explained I had Plantar Fasciitis.  I continued to struggle until Linda came over to me and said, "Amy, go into Child's pose."  It was not a request.  I needed her to tell me to stop.  I went into Child's pose, panting.  I felt a bit like a loser for a moment.  Then we went on to some side stretches and poses on the knees and I felt like I was doing great. 

At the end of class, we had a nice repose with sounds of the sea and almost total darkness.  Someone became so relaxed I heard a SNORE!  I was very mature and didn't giggle hysterically.  : )  It was at that time I made a definite choice to pray and to focus on or day dream about my goals.  I smiled and breathed.  It was wonderful.

At the end of class, I expressed my anger about the foot problems.  I admitted I felt like it ruined my whole practice.  Linda really set me straight.  "Amy, just do the best you can and if it hurts, you skip those poses.  It's all in the mind.  (She didn't say this in a snotty way!)  You will work on whatever it is that is causing it and then it won't bother you anymore."  That's it.  Sounds simple.  It was like...yeah, it will work itself out.  I refuse to feel badly anymore because I can't do something.  I love myself so much I don't want to hurt or feel like a loser.  I love myself so much, I will go into Child's pose and care for myself...and pray.  : )

Today's class was probably one of the most wonderful because I learned something about loving myself.  That is what this whole practice is about for me.  Loving myself.  "If you don't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else!  Can I get an AMEN up in here!"  (RuPaul xo) 

I want to let everyone know that as I learn more and more about yoga, so will you.  I will be able to name the poses and have more insight.  You are learning with me. 

For those who do not know what Plantar Fasciitis is, here is a definition provided by Web MD.  : )

Plantar fasciitis is the most common cause of heel pain. It is caused by repeated strain on the plantar fascia, the ligament that connects the heel bone to the toes, supporting the arch of the foot. A strained plantar fascia causes weakness, swelling, and inflammation, especially in one or both heels. Causes of plantar fasciitis include rolling the feet inward while walking; having high arches or flat feet; and running, walking, or standing for along periods of time.

Peace Love JOY

Amy

The picture is from a FB friend's pictures.  That is where I "steal" most of the cool pictures!  : )  ha ha 

Yoga Depression

I get a severe case of YOGA DEPRESSION if I do not attend yoga.  It's more than feeling bad about not working out or maybe letting someone down by not being there.  Those things are important.  What really takes me to the "dark place" : ) is not treating myself lovingly.  When I go to yoga, I feel like that is when I am truly loving myself.  It is then I am truly giving to myself. 

I was at the Prana Southwest location yesterday to buy more books for my yoga teacher training.  Poor Chris, Dani's husband, was the only one there.  Chris seems to be there when I come in to make a purchase or make a payment on my school tuition.  Chris is not totally and perfectly familiar with the computer system and struggles to check me out.  I understand and am never impatient, but my Mother, Lois, is a bit impatient.  She is the one paying for everything right now.  She wants to get the stuff, pay for it and leave.  Yoga people are more friendly.  Chris will chat and/or he is rushed.  Those are the 2 conditions I have seen him in and it's adorable.  I always joke with Dani that I am going to steal her husband.  Dani gets the joke and understands my humor.  Chris, not so much.  ha  I mean, he knows I am joking but he LOVES and ADORES Dani so much it is hard for him to make jokes about marrying someone else.  Anyway, I feel bad when I walk in and poor Chris is there.  I know he just wants to teach his yoga class and not be bothered.  He is a joy to run into and he is so multi-talented.  I just learned he makes...really, I should say, creates, furniture/chandeliers and other stuff.  I say...how cool is he????  But he doesn't think he's that cool.  WRONG! 

Oooops, I just rambled off topic.  It happens and will always happen.  I love that I ramble.  Some people love it about me and others hate it.  But guess who's opinion really matters?????  MINE!  : )

What I meant to say was, Chris said something yesterday that really hit home with me.  He said, and I am paraphrasing, that yoga was really an excuse or a chance to pray.  The working out and getting in shape part isn't really as important as the prayer part.  That really stuck with me and I am so grateful for running into him.  I am not sure he feels the same!  ha  I am grateful because when I am in the poses, I am often struggling and self-deprecating a bit in my thoughts.  I am usually thinking, "I can't do this pose much longer, OMG, I suck" or "This is impossible, what am I doing here?  I can't do this stuff!"  Now, because of Chris' words, I am going to pray. 

What do I mean by "pray?"  I mean, I am going to pray for myself, my dreams and my intentions.  I am going to prayer for those in all kinds of needs, pray for my loved ones and the ones I don't like so much.  I am going to pray for the mean and cold, the happy and warm.  I am just going to pray, "All my dreams are coming true." 

I love you all!
Peace Love Joy

Amy

I love ABE!

I belong to a FB group that focuses on the teachings of Abraham.  Here is a quote from Abraham that I love and I hope you love it too.  : )

"Here is a process. Some say it is a trick that works. It's not a trick. It's a utilization of the Laws of the Universe. Remember that your goal is to find an object of attention that makes you feel good while you find it.. So what you are wanting to do is look for objects of attention to which you can flow an Energy of appreciation. Now, here's the reason that this is sneaky. By choosing an object of attention that causes pure positive Energy to flow through you, guess what happens to the vessel through which the pure positive Energy is flowing? You thrive."
- Abraham-Hicks -

 

What is Abraham?  I think the best way to answer that question is to let Abraham answer it.  I defer to the Abraham/Hicks website for Abrahams' answer.  (http://www.abraham-hicks.com/lawofattractionsource/about_abraham.php)

 

"a group consciousness from the non-physical dimension"  or  "We are that which you are. You are the leading edge of that which we are. We are that which is at the heart of all religions."  and  Abraham has told us through Esther that whenever we feel moments of great love, exhilaration, pure joy, stoned-out bliss, even the energy of sexual orgasm when we feel that Energy Flow rushing through our bodies, that is the energy of Source, and that is who Abraham "is".

Check out their website and materials.  I have learned so much from Abraham, but really from myself.  We are all connected.  That is why we all must be kind to ourselves and to each other.  We are ONE.  I love you all. 

Peace Love JOY
Amy  xoxo

Yin Vin Yoga

This morning at 10 am I will be taking a yoga class called Yin Vin Yoga.  Here is the description of the class from the Pranayoga school :

The perfect balance: Yin and Vinyasa. Focusing on the deeper connective tissues of the body during the first half of class, Yin Yoga will help you reach new depths in postures and increase your range of motion. Finish the class with power and movement during an active Vinyasa sequence, designed to emphasize this newfound flow of energy.
I am excited because Vinyasa is beautiful and flowing, but tough.  I am hoping the Yin really does help me increase my range of motion!

I am also very nervous!   This is me...but I try not to focus on that too much.  I just want to get there and get going. 

I will post later about the class.  I have a lot more to talk about.  I could go on and on....I will have to change the name of this blog to "Rambler".  I am a rambler. 

Peace Love JOY  xoxo

The Naked Yoga journey with Amy begins! : )

Blogging is totally new to me.  I have no idea what the hell I am doing or why I am doing this.  I just felt I needed to document in a very public way my very personal journey with yoga.  I love yoga.  It has forced me to grow and change and I have fought that growth every day!  ha

I NEVER thought I would do yoga.  I mean, I thought I needed to do the kickboxing or aerobics to get into shape.  Well, all those kinds of work outs always injured me.  I would injure my knees, my hips, back, arms and then I would totally stop working out for months.  I just never thought I could be strong physically.  I would get into decent shape, then fall right back into the sofa. 

My beautiful niece, Marriam, got me into yoga.  Marriam lives in NYC and works in the fashion industry.  Marriam and her friends are gorgeous and tall.  Marriam is also a sweet angel who loves her aunt (that's me!) very much.  She loves me so much she said, "Aunt Amy, you need to do Bikram yoga.  It will help you lose a lot of weight and you will love it!  Trust me."  Well, I am not sure how she said it, but she said it.  Marriam and I share a lot of interests and I do really trust her opinions.  Then I let 8 months pass. 

I saw Marriam again, (I call her Mimi but you can't call her that!  : )  and she reminded me about the yoga and how it relaxed her.  Marriam said one thing that made me want to look into yoga.  Marriam told me it centered her after her crazy days and it was "peaceful."  I needed peace.  I have always said, "peace love".  For years and years, I would sign letters and emails "peace love".  I needed both.  I was sooooo scared. 

I don't know how much about myself I will reveal in this blog, but I will admit to this, I was super duper overweight, deathly depressed and agoraphobic.  Yes, I almost hate to admit the agoraphobia.  People do double takes when I admit that fact.  Not Amy.  Amy is outgoing and funny.  She is not agoraphobic.  Then, people had to realize, when did they ever see me?  If you saw me, it was by accident and rare.  I hardly left the house.  I would go to my mother's house or to my friend Shawn's house.  Occasionally, I would go to sweet Ben and Mark's home.  I mean, once a year.  I love Ben and Mark, but I would often stay home and my twin sister, Sarah, would go out with those guys or go to their house.  I still suffer with agoraphobia and stress about going places.  I am still recovering and may never get over it. 

After Marriam told me I could find peace with yoga, I emailed several yoga instructors and businesses and explained I was nuts and had a lot of weight to lug around.   I received a few emails back and they were all very blah and not interested in helping me in my special situation.  Then I received Dani Vani McGuire from Pranayoga School of Yoga and Health.  It was May 2010 and I felt love.  Dani's email was short and sweet, but somehow, love and kindness came through her note.  I was excited for the first time in forever.  I didn't care about anything.  I could hardly write or read anymore.  I was blah blah bleeeeh.  But Dani made me feel like I could do anything.  It still amazes me.  How did it happen?  Why?  Who knows, who cares...I was hooked.  I hadn't even been to the studio and yet I felt I had a new and true friend.  I was right.

I met Dani at her studio in downtown Fort Wayne, In.  It was a Saturday and I was shaking and sweating.  I had to take a couple pills to calm my nerves and they were not working.  I was going to meet someone new, a healthy person, and try to sell myself to her.  I say that because I felt sure, in my heart, I had to do this.  I felt sure I was saving my life in more ways than one and I needed her to allow me to join the yoga crowd.  I really felt that she would tell me..."oh...you are too fat and crazy...you should try to get it together first."  I really did think that way for a long time.  I saw myself as a monster...a beast.  I felt sorry that people had to look at me.  My mind told me I was ugly and worthless.  I really believed that! 

I walked into Dani's beautiful studio that day and a whoooooosh of love washed over me.  It was super hot outside and hot in the studio, but the love I felt from Dani was cooling and real.  You know, those people that hug you and it feels weird and fake?  Well, Dani came right up to me and hugged me and I expected fake...I felt love.  Pure love.  She saw me.  Amy.  She didn't see my fat ass or my sweat or my panting or my nerves or my fears....she saw Amy.  It was beautiful.  I have loved Dani ever since that moment.  I knew right then and there, she was my mentor.  Also, Jane, who runs the daily business of Prana, was so beautiful and slim and yoga perfect...and she was so sweet to me.  Jane hugged me with genuine love and interest.  I still don't know how to explain this first experience, but I am so blessed I received it.   It felt like a hug from God.

Needless to say, I Love Pranayoga School and their wonderful star, Dani.  She is a true person.  She is pure love.  In all her imperfections, she is perfect.  She makes you feel accomplished and cheers you on and sends love to all her students. 

Now, I am studying yoga for my certification to teach yoga.  It's very hard for my physically and mentally.  I am on a quantum leap and it is a QUANTUM LEAP!  I asked for it...I am getting it.  : )

Tomorrow I go to a new yoga teacher and a new class, Yin Vin Yoga.  What????  ha   I will let you know.  It's amazing how varied yoga is and how much I benefit from that diversity. 

I am still scared.  I am still afraid to go to new places and see new people.  But I go anyway.  I am blessed and loved.  Peace Love JOY

More later.....: )

Yoga or Boot camp?

OUCH   More later