Kathryn Budig Workshop

This even happened a few months ago and I am still riding high from the experience.  Kathryn taught me more about just going for it than anyone!  She is amazing.  It was a blessing to meet her.  I felt such joy!

Kathryn Budig-Famous Yogi! 

 

Kathryn Budig, gorgeous, famous yogi from Los Angeles.  She has been on the cover of the Yoga Journal, worked with famous people, traveled all over the country teaching her style and lifestyle.  Ms, Budig was in town for 3 days.  I was going to the Saturday afternoon session of her workshop.  I was feeling kind of scared.  Here I am, very inexperienced yogi, going to a famous yogi’s class.  WHAT?  I didn’t think I would have the guts.  In fact, that Saturday morning, I was thinking of skipping out.  I kind of jinxed myself in many ways that morning.  I did everything especially slow and procrastinated each step of the day.  I thought the session started at 4:30pm, plenty of time.  So, I lazed around watching TV, I colored my hair a light brown (did not turn out), played on the computer.  Well, it was getting late.  I looked at the class schedule, just for fun.  OMG !!!!  Class starts at 4PM!!!!! 




This is an older photo and I am pretending to be alarmed.  Still, I feel this somewhat represents my madness of that day.  Sorry, my eyebrows are untidy in this picture.  yikes!  ha ha

 So, I started screaming all over the place.  My twin sister, Sarah, knowing I have done this to myself for I was trying to get out of it, pretty much told me that and walked away from me.  She wasn’t going to help me????  I rushed into the bathroom to rinse the color out of my hair.  I have a lot of hair and had used 2 boxes of color.  The stuff would not rinse out.  THEN I was worried that the smell of the hair color and conditioner would be disturbing to the other yogis near me.  If that is so, I apologize.  Anyway, I am naked, screaming, rinsing my hair and washing up so fast, there was water everywhere.  I had no time to shave my legs, armpits or put on make up.  I really wanted to look decent for the Kathryn Budig show, and I would look like crap.  CRAP!  I grabbed my yoga stuff and rushed out the door.  Sarah, thankfully, agreed to drive me.  We had about 15 minutes to get there.  I live on the Northest part of town and Budig was at the Southwest location.  UGH  Sarah stayed calm and just drove.  Thankfully, she didn’t pick up on my crazy and drive recklessly.  I texted classmate Amanda, telling her I would be late.  Amanda responded she would save me a spot.  That fact sent a wave of relief throughout my body.  I was crying because I was going to be late.  I was also crying because I realized I had done it all, no one had done this to me.  I had messed up.

When I arrived I was greeted by a couple of new girls at the front desk.  They assured me I had time and had been told I would be arriving late.  The Prana studio looked beautiful.  The lighting was gorgeous and it looked peaceful. 

The large studio room was bustling and full.  The lights were dimly bright.  As I entered, Chris, another yoga teacher training classmate, waved me over to where she and Amanda were, right up front.  They had saved me a spot in the front row, right by the wall.  I felt lucky because I love being by the wall when I am at the yoga studio.  I don’t know why, it’s just more comfy for me.  I set out my mat and got situated.  Chris looked at me questionably, for I had red eyes and dripping hair.  I explained, “I was late so I cried on the way over here.”  She laughed and shook her head.  Chris is like a graceful, fancy lady.  She is older than me by a bit and her body is rocking!  She is great shape and has a beautiful face and hair.  She is very mothering and loving.  She is very dignified and smart.  I really love her and admire her. 



Chris looks gorgeous!  I look UGH!  C''est la vie!  Chris is the gorgeous blond.



I noticed Kathryn Budig.  I was surprised.  Here she was, famous yogi, model, and cool person, yet totally human.  I know, that sounds dumb.  It’s just that she was so tiny and like a normal girl.  She is beautiful, yes, but in a normal, pretty, happy girl way.  She wasn’t all glammed up for a photo shoot; she was just herself, sitting on the floor.  Don’t get me wrong, she is an impressive person and carries herself well.  She was just a small lady, sitting on a bolster and writing with colored markers on a big memo pad.  The big ones that are on a stand and you flip the pages over as you go.    I can’t think of what these items are called.  Anyway, she was wearing a ton of bracelets on her right arm, and she seemed kind of like a fancy hippy.  Then she spoke and commanded all to get it together and gather around her and the poster board.  I was so lucky to be up front.  I felt like she was teaching to me.  I really liked what she had to say and I really liked her style.

Kathryn’s motto, “Aim True”  “My happiness depends on me-you are off the hook.”  Kathryn couldn’t remember where that quote was from, but I know it is from Abraham/Hicks.  Kathryn’s Aim True comes from a goddess she admires, Artemis.  A prayer or statement pertaining to Artemis is, “Make my aim true, give me goals and the means to achieve them.”  I love this mantra/prayer/whatever you want to call it.  It is acknowledging a higher power that is available to you, to assist you in becoming a better you for you.  I really liked it. 

Kathryn talked about living your life in LOVE vs. Fear.  Budig advised we start every single day with intention (or at least try to) and to start the day with what you are truly grateful for in your life.  By doing this, you will become the person you really want to be.  She posted a quote by Joseph Campbell, “Be your own person and not be ruled by the expectation of others.”  Also, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”  I really love those quotes.  If I can just integrate these tenements, thoughts, into my life and really come to believe them, I believe I could be me, really me, for the first time in a long time.  Budig went on to say”…you are lacking nothing.”  She shared an Irish prayer, “Drop to your knees and Thank God you can stand.” 




Kathryn Budig had posted this on her FB page.  Yes, we are FB friends.  : )  Lucky me!



Budig shared that we have 2 choices we can make.  We can act out of a place of Love or Fear.   To live or to act out of Love, one lives from a place of Hope, an ability to embrace the moment and have belief and confidence in your choices and be grateful.  To act or live out of Fear, one lives from a place of doubt, wasting time in expectations of the worst happening or anticipating the worst to happen, living with a feeling of dread and angst.  Living from Love also means forgiving.  Let it go.  Love Love Love always Send Love to those who have hurt you to heal yourself.  You don’t have to go to them personally and tell them you forgive them; you can do it for yourself to heal yourself.  I really need to do that and heal myself.  I have a lot of pain and anger and hate that I need to heal out of my life.  All that pain is killing me.  It is killing me mentally and physically.  I am punishing myself for that wrong that was committed.  I did nothing wrong!  Why am I hurting myself?  It’s crazy.  I am grateful that I realize that at this moment as I type up my notes.  I am grateful for my own heart and my ability to forgive.



Sweet Amanda!  Throughout my yoga teacher training, Amanda was ALWAYS there for me.  She is a true and dear friend.  xo



Kathryn gave us some homework.  She had listed a few questions that she wanted us to answer for ourselves.  Then, figure out how to apply our positive and loving answers to our lives.  The questions were:

1)      What does “Aim True” mean to you?  (Answer this question-give it some thought-it will change and alter over time.)

2)    Name 3 to 4 Positive Qualities about yourself?  (Awesome, unique qualities, think what your best friend would say)  example:  smart, gregarious, loving, sees the positive side of a situation, great humor…

3)    Take those positive qualities and apply them to your life.  (Create your own path, always chose Love over Fear, it’s up to you.)

4)    Name 3 to 4 poses you are terrified of?  I fear Crow, Head Stand, Wheel pose.  Why?  I fear physical pain, horrible injury or I believe I have a disabilities or being too fat.  That’s me!

If you have real injury, not doing a pose that scares you is intelligence, not cowardice.  A fear of the unknown is what prohibits most of us from doing some poses.  Open yourself up and put yourself out there.  You have to let go, surrender, into the pose.  You will be able to do all poses.  There are plenty of people out there ready to put you down; you do not have to be one of them. 

Ms. Budig also gave us a project to do.  Budig asked that we notice how people who love you react to you and write it down.  Then, write down how you can apply those reactions to your own life.  I love this.  I plan on doing this project as often as possible.  I need to learn how to be positive.  For example, my whole family, who I must assume love me, feel I can become a capable yogi, a published and fantastic author, a rich bitch!  Ha  (when I say bitch, I say it in only the best way.) 

We then went on to practicing yoga.  Most of the yoga was beyond my abilities, yet I didn’t feel badly.  The practice was difficult and fast, yet I was able to keep up in my own way.  Also, she had us go through the poses meaningfully, pausing at each pose with 3 full breathes.  It was an amazing feeling. 

Kathryn stated that she was a very loving person.  She feels that is one of her best qualities.  I have to agree with her.  She is a very loving and caring person.  Budig knows what she is talking about; she so loves and treated everyone lovingly.  She is also really funny and approachable.  I felt no resistance when I came up to her and we had a photo taken.  She had a great humor and was very kind.  What a blessing!  I am so grateful for this experience and I am thankful to Prana Yoga School for bringing such wonderful teachers to their students.  I am so grateful I got there to learn from Kathryn Budig. 



I love this picture.  Yes, I am literally twice the size of Kathryn.  I still love this picture.  Why?  Kathryn really touched my heart.  Kathryn really is a love.  She was a blessing to me.  Hey, she still is !!!!  xo



Peace Love JOY

Marcus Aurelius said.....

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ~ Marcus Aurelius


I just read this post on FB and it really struck me.  I have known this, that everything that happens to us is because of our own actions, yet this quote made it finally sink into my heart/soul.  I feel so free!  Isn't this crazy!  ?  One simple quote seen on FB can be so meaningful or meaningless.  Life is so wonderful.  I am so pleased.

I have a Kathryn Budig post, a Wade Morissette post and many more.  I am just getting my head and body together right now.  OH...I am also starting a cleanse.

I love you all.  We are all connected.  What a blessing!

Peace Love JOY
Amy  xoxox

Awakening!  Namaste

By The Way...

I graduated from Prana Yoga School of Yoga and Health on October 3, 2011. 

Well, I still have to make up 2 hours of elective classes.  I hope to complete that soon.  That means, I have to go to a couple or 1 yoga workshop taught by some famous or super cool yogi.  What a drag!  haha

I am very happy.  I still cannot teach a class.  Well, I could teach a class.  BUT I want to be much better.  I still cannot do wheel pose, headstand or plow pose.  Those are basic poses an instructor should know.  I guess, I could skip it.  I don't know, it's a thing for me.  I guess I am happy about it.

The graduation was kind of thrown together.  The studio, Prana Southwest location, was SUPER HOT.  Everyone had brought food.  I, feeling lazy, bought stuff at the Fresh Market.  (By the way, it sucked!  I have never bought anything from the Fresh Market and had it suck as bad as this stuff did suck suck and suck.)  I was drunk.

I should explain why I was tipsy.  My friend, Erin Woods, threw a little dinner party in my honor.  My Mother, Lois and my twin, Sarah, were also invited.  Erin prepared a lovely meal and there was wine.  Well, I drank the wine.  By the time we arrived, I was feeling very good.  ooooops!

It was so hot in the front, Erin, Sarah, Erin's daughter, Etta and I went into the practice studio and sat on the floor.  We eventually mingled a bit, but I am really terrible at these kinds of things.  I like to hide.  I know, nuts.  But I do prefer to hide.




I am the short, chubby one in the back row on the right side.  I hate that when I smile, I put my chin down and my double chin goes triple!  Thank GOD I am so beautiful!  Namaste bitches!


Dani read aloud what the classmates had said about you before the graduates and their families and friends.  I knew that someone would say I was "loud" and sure enough...it was said.  ugh  I felt bad for a second then said to myself, "Fuck you, whoever you are, yogi who said I was loud....FUCK YOU!"  Then I thought to myself...I am loud...even my thoughts!  haha  C'est la vie!  I don't give a rip! 

Dani would say our names and say, "Amy, Thank you for showing up as you are...Our experience of you is..."  Here is what people in my class said their experience of me was...including LOUD!

Expressive, talkative, artistic, kind, ambitious, talkative, crazy, LOUD, enthusiastic, talkative, funny, hard-working, unfiltered, real, funny, loving, determined, on her way, smart, peace, loving, hilarious, authentic, strong, brave, fun, encourager, talkative, nice, outgoing, laughter, French, art, vivacious, open-hearted, and accepting.

It isn't such a bad list.  I mean, I like everything that was said except LOUD!  Yes, if more than 1 person said the same thing, Dani read it again.  I don't know why, but she did.  Then she gave me the certificate thing and her little daughters handed out a pocket sized edition of "Integral Yoga, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali."  I was a little disappointed.  One of my classmates, Claudia,  said it reminded her of when the Jehovah Witness people hand out those little books.  ha ha  Claudia was always funny and ironic. 

Dani also had a quote that I liked, "One has just to be oneself.  That's my basic message.  The moment you accept yourself as you are, all burdens, all mountainous burdens, simply disappear.  Then life is a sheer joy, a festival of lights."  Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Also, Dani's daughter, the oldest, who gave me my little bible..I mean pocket edition of the Sutras, grimaced when I took it from her.  She wasn't pleased she got me.  ha ha  I was tipsy, so I immediately said to her as I took the book, "Oh no, you didn't want to have to give me the book, did you?  Oh, you poor baby."  Of course, I sneered at her.  I hate kids.  I really do and I don't care who knows it.  It's funny, a lot of kids like me.  They are old souls, though.  My friend Erin's little girl, Etta, is a pure old soul.  We get along great.  But if a kid is a brat, I will slap them down.  I believe in treating a kid the same way I would treat a rude adult.  That means, I ignore kids most of the time.  But, like I said, I was a little tipsy!  Hey, I am a wine drinking yogi.  Give me a break!

All in all, I was glad to leave.  It was an okay party yet I didn't feel comfy.  I wanted to talk to the girls, but I had only brief moments with them.  I love everyone in my Kula (yoga group) very much.  I missed Colleen and Tiffany, who missed the graduation.  I am happy I am done with yoga school. 

Now?  Now I continue my yoga journey.  I am still in my infancy as far as yoga is concerned.  I have TONS I need to learn both physically and mentally.  This road will never end.  I feel that with yoga school over, I can enjoy learning.  That is my fault.  I allowed myself to freak out and not just enjoy yoga for what it is.  I do now.  I just go to classes and I do the best I can do.  I still feel badly sometimes.  If I can't do a certain pose or go as fast as the other people, I may feel sucky for a second. Then I say, "fuck it!" and get back to business.  I don't waste too much time feeling badly anymore.  I am there for me.  It's all about me.  I love the new me.

Swami Vidyanananda

Swami Vidyanananda  

First of all, meeting Swami Vidyanananda was a wonderful experience.  I have never met a swami in my life and was unsure what she would be like in person.   From now on, for my sake in typing, I will simply call Swami Vidyanananda “Swami”.  I hope she wouldn’t mind; yet something tells me she would be fine with the shortened name in this much too small note on a very lovely experience.

I was terribly nervous, as always.  Really, I find this part of my current personality very irritating and growing very old.  Yet, I as continue to grow spiritually and mentally healthier, I feel that this trait will diminish.  I didn’t notice Swami when I came into the room.  I was a few minutes late, which I detest.  I prefer to arrive early to get comfy and calm down.  As I arrived, my dear friend and Kula member, Laura, was working the front desk at Prana yoga studio, southwest.  Laura, having been agoraphobic herself in the past, understood what I was feeling.  Laura immediately said to me, “Take a minute Amy, breathe.  You are fine.  They just started.  You are fine.”  Laura’s insightful words and calming demeanor helped me get it together and I proceeded into the studio space.  Dani, my guru, as I entered the studio somewhat late for the event, further supported me with a happy smile and a welcoming gesture.  I rushed to her side to sit on a cushion by the left side of the room.  I still hadn’t really noticed the Swami.  I was concentrating on Dani and what everyone else was doing in the room.  I know, I should only concentrate on my own world and not care or notice what people are doing.  I am on my way, but not quite there yet.  I was also happy to see one of my favorite yoga teachers, Bethanny, come into the space.  We were whispering for the Swami was chanting/praying.  I have no idea.  I heard nothing and have no memory of what she was saying at that moment. 

After this moment of song/prayer, Swami noted that there was space up front and invited for someone to occupy the seat.  I had no intention of going up to the front.  I was happy on the floor on the cushion.  Dani was not satisfied.  Bethanny fell in line with Dani and encouraged me to get to the front.  Disgruntled but trying to appear happy, I went up to the front row of chairs to sit directly in front of Swami.  Dani placed a blanket and cushion for under my feet and I looked up.

There sat a very tiny white lady with long gray hair tied back in a ponytail or braid.  What?  This is the SWAMI VIDNANANDA?    She’s a mouse and she is a white woman.  In fact, she is a white American woman.  What?  I was thinking, Swami = foreign, likely Indian, with a crisp and lilting accent to punctuate her every point.  Nope, this was a little tiny teeny lady who hailed from Florida.  What the hell was this presentation?  Aren’t Swamis supposed to be holy people, all quiet and reverent and prayer like? 

Swami may have been tiny in the size of her physical body, but her spiritual body and personality boomed over me.  She was happy, happy and happy.  She was not perfect.  She was wearing the typical clothes, dyed orange, which one sees on monks and swamis.  She had a scarf around her neck, I would guess, more for warmth than style.  She had on socks that were a beige/whitish color and no other ornament.  Yet she seemed almost glamorous to me.  She had traveled a lot; she spoke French (that’s what she said, so, I am assuming she was not fibbing) and was graceful.  Yet she was also very kinetic and her vibe was strong. 

This workshop was about stress reducing your life.  There was much material covered over 2 days, 6 hours.  I will cover the subjects that I found most engaging. 



Let the stress go!  Don't carry the baggage around and BE FREE!



“When we stretch, we need to learn when our effort becomes a strain, and back off from straining.  Then we can apply this lesson to anything we do.  We can learn how to work in a way that’s relaxed, beneficial and productive.  Straining is painful and leads to burnout and stress.”  Swami Vidnananda handout

Also, Swami stated, if the yoga isn’t yummy, it isn’t yoga.  So, I try to apply that to my own yoga practice.  If it hurts, I stop.  Yoga = Yummy  : )

Swami also said that the difference between sorrow and depression is self-hatred.  That rang true for me.  I realized that I have been building up quite a reservoir of self-hatred since I was a small girl.  I mean, real self-hatred.  I would treat myself so badly physically and mentally, frankly, it’s a wonder I am still alive.  I don’t care to sound dramatic; it’s just the truth.

Swami also stated that if one believes that everything that happens to you comes from the hands of a loving God or Creator, even the bad things, one can get through life with much less stress.  This made me remember the statement, “Give it to God.”  I am not a huge fan of structured religion for me, but I like to take bits and pieces from many beliefs/religions and make them mine.  Giving my problems to God or the Universe or any number of Saints (I was raised Catholic and the Saints are good workers!) does relieve my stress.  Even if it lasts only a moment, it’s a peaceful moment and I am very grateful for it. 

“Relaxation helps us experience an innate sense of self-worth that is not dependent on the approval of others.  I can act free of the tension that arises when I need to prove myself.  I can work with a mind that is creative and open, instead of a mind that is stifled under the pressure of trying to be good enough.”  Swami Vidnananda handout



This is me from about 5 or 6 years ago.  If this Amy knew that I was in yoga and getting my teaching certificate in yoga, she would pass out!  I like this picture of me.  I am pretending to be astonished and excited to be in Angola, In.  I was faking it!  It was for a silly and time waster meeting.  So glad those days are over!  I look cute!  I am so fucking gorgeous, really!  ha ha  Namaste



It has been through yoga and my Yoga Teacher training that I have learned the importance of relaxation.  When I have completed a practice of yoga or meditation, I feel safe, loved and at peace.  When I do not meditate or do a yoga practice, not only do I suffer physically, mentally I am a mess.  It’s so much easier to take the relaxation route.  Being kind to myself has taken time, but it is happening more and more.  By going to yoga, taking the teacher training and attending events/workshops, I give so much to myself.  I feel self-love.  I love Amy.  Xo

Swami also went over some chair yoga poses to help one relax while at work or wherever.  Swamis also recommended we all name someone a “purpose” partner.  This person would help us remain accountable to our goals to relax and lead a more meaningful and enjoyable life.  At least, that is how I understood the concept of purpose partner.  I know I need to change my environment at home and in my heart.  My home is a wreck right now.  There are too many possessions; too much clutter, dirt/dust bunnies and things are in a state of disrepair.  I learned that to clear my heart/mind, I must see it in my house, my work (writing/art/photography in the future) and in my relationships to others.  I want a clear head and heart.  I need to do the work.  A “purpose partner” is needed. 

In the 2^nd day of the workshop, we discussed The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda.  Because the Sutras are vast, Swami chose to cover only a few and really speak on them in a broad way.  Swami stated that the Sutras are about training the mind to choose happiness.  One must direct focus to happiness and to renounce anything or anyone who gets into the way to your happiness.  Swami stated that when you have gotten older, your life would be much better and remembered with a kinder eye if you were happy.  Swami went on to say the denser the vehicle the denser or clouded is one’s maya (our senses), our spirit, and our “self”.  Swami stated that we have to be asleep to duality, good and evil.  Our identification with the body made Adam ashamed of his nakedness in the Garden of Eden.  The sense of a separate self is what keeps one from knowing oneself.  We are all one.  The same.  We are not separate.  Swami went on to say that “thought reaps an action reaps a habit reaps a character reaps your destiny.”  In other words, our thoughts, if negative, accumulate like a pile of garbage until a negative trait or action manifests in our life.  So, train your body.  Train your body with Asana and pranayama, and your body will remember and it will be.  It will just be.  Yoga, breathing and meditation, you train your body and your mind goes…Oh..yeah.  I know this stuff. 

One point the Swami made that I adored was this:  …if you notice your thoughts have wavered  (during yoga/meditation) you’ve succeeded at meditation…you simply noticed your thoughts, so you have done it!”

Swami also stated that when you have control over your body, you could have so much more fun.  She also said if you are meditating and your mind is racing, track where there is discomfort in the body and then just be aware of it.  If you need to sit in a more comfy position, do it.  Do whatever you need to do to relieve the discomfort then relax about it.  Do not go crazy trying to figure out why your mind is racing, just notice it.  Being focused and mindful are 2 types of meditation yet they are not exclusive to each other.  Be balanced between the 2 types of meditation.  Yin Yang  Tamas and Rajas  The Sattva guna, rising above the Tamas and Rajas, the balanced calm part of the mind where you see clearly your True Self.  What leads to Sattva?  Your lifestyle choices affect your ability to reach Sattva.  You have to make choices to balance out your mind.  Tamas are the inertia and Raja are the activity.  Sattva balances Tamas as it moves through Raja to get to Sattva.  Swami stated one should learn to apply what needs to be done to get to Sattva, to gain balance. 

Swami stated one needs to practice non attachment.  This will help and increase one’s spiritual practice.  You’ve got to learn to “untie your boat” to gain spirituality.  (Swami Vidyanananda)  Swami recommended a book, The Artist’s Way.  Swami also said, and I love this, “Blame” means giving my power away.  I LOVE THAT!  Get rid of Blame.  It takes your power away.  I love that so much.  Also, say “no” and don’t feel badly about it.  If you feel bad about it, you might as well have said yes.  Remember, even the annoying person complaining to you or bugging you is perfect to the core.  Swami said to detach compassion from co-dependence.  Don’t ruminate over another person’s bad behavior; adopt an indifference to bad behavior and events.  It will save you life.  I feel so good when I am indifferent to other’s bad behavior or whatever is being thrown my way.  I feel free and happy.  I can really smile.  A meaningful smile feels much nicer on my face than a fake smile. 

Swami told me I was “beautifully irreverent” and she hugged me close.  She also asked if she could take me home!  I would have gone.  Think of all the great things I could learn from this woman. 

Swami Vidyanananda, I adore you.  She is someone I consider a real guru.  She showed me what a lifetime of happy could do, as I looked into her shiny eyes and cheeky grin as we hugged.  She is a real person, really doing it.  She is the real thing.  What a blessing.  Namaste

(Regrettably, I have no pictures from my time with Swami Vidyanananda.  I will try to scam some from people in the know, if you know what I mean!  ha)

Karma Yoga Project

Karma Yoga Project

Our Karma yoga group participated in creating a Labyrinth shaped garden for St. Henry’s Catholic Church in Southeast Fort Wayne.  We met on a sunny day on August 11, 2011.  The morning was warm yet not overwhelming.  There was a breeze and the sun was not yet intensely hot.

The members of our Karma Yoga Project were, Erin, Colleen, Tanna, Claudia, Chris and Laura.  Me too!

After much time spent figuring out the “plan” for the garden, digging began.  The digging never ended.  We ended the day digging. 

Since I couldn’t physically dig, I provided the “eye candy” and laughter factors to the event.  I did a lot of digging, but it was while on the ground, using my hands and arms.  My knees are too weak and incredibly sore, preventing me from digging.  (Too bad, right?  )  I did feel a part of the group.  Not one of the girls made me feel badly for not being able to dig.  Well, the woman organizing the event for St. Henry’s was not terribly pleased.  I was not providing the appropriate “serf” behavior for her liking.  C’est la vie, n’est pas???  Ha ha 

Chris had her eye on me.  Why?  She was worried about my skin.  Chris would constantly say, “Amy, I have some sunscreen…don’t you want some sunscreen?” for the sun had become hotter and was turning on the burn.  Only, I felt fine.  I was wearing long pants and a t-shirt.  My skin didn’t feel badly and I didn’t feel overheated. 

Sometimes, I literally played in the dirt.  My clothes, skin and hair were full of Mother Earth.  I liked it.  I am very close to the mentality of a 6 year old when it comes to play.  I pulled much of the turf out of the tunnels the ladies had dug.  I pulled it out with me bare hands!  It was fun.

The best part of the day was listening to the ladies talk about themselves and their lives.  I heard ghost stories, kid stories (snore : )  romantic stories and horror stories!  As a writer, I was in heaven.  : )

I could not physically provide much support, yet I do feel that I provided a good presence.  Meaning, I was fully there.  I was in the NOW of the moment and went with the flow.  I had just been diagnosed with severe degenerative disease of my right knee.  I am sure my left knee is not much better.

Laura actually wrote up a gorgeous essay on our Karma yoga project.  She wrote it in first person, yet it was inclusive to all of us.

By the way, I did get a nice sunburn.  I should have listened to Chris.  OOPS

Peace Love

OMG !!!!!!

I have SOOOOOOO much to tell you alllll!  I have tons of information.  I am sorry I have been so horrible about blogging.  So much has happened.  Some of it is good, some sucks.  All of it wonderful.  I have learned so much.

Soon to be covered: 

OUCH my kneeee!!!

YOGA SCHOOL graduation!!!!!  (next month!)

My guru, Dani.  xo

My gorgeous and wonderful Kula!

2 new doggies!

WE HAVE A NEW WATER HEATER!!!!!

...and so much more!

Stay tuned!

Peace Love Namaste
Amy Lou, that's who!
xo

Ganesh

We are friends?

I would like to thank my friends/followers who make comments.  I really appreciate your opinions and input.

"Sam" and I are kind of talking again.  We have shared 2 phone calls and they were fun and full of laughter.  I still want to wait.  I do not  want to go over to his house and I don't think I could stand to see Jessie.  Jessie is an innocent, sweet bundle of love.  I still have HUGE anger over his care.  I also know that Jessie ADORES Sam and if I came in there and removed Jessie, he would die from heartbreak.
 




Tempie in 2008!  Well cared for and loved.

 This brings me back to a saying that my mother, Lois, used to say to me when I was a little girl.  I would cry and sob over all the animals in shelters, the Jews of the Holocaust, the starving children in Africa...My Mom would say, "Amy, you can't take care of the world.  You simply have to take care of your loved ones and those around you.  Do a good job and it will grow."  What's funny, I never really understood what she meant.  I thought she meant, just take care of your own...forget everyone else...etc...  Mom meant, you show others the lovely way to care for your animals and family and friends.  You love and treat others the way you want to be treated.  I get it now.  My Mom was a good teacher and an adorable and loving Mom.  xo


Now, Sarah and I are looking forward to welcoming a new baby girl into our family.  Her current name is Patches.  We are changing it to Peaches.  She definitely seems more like a Peaches.  Also, I know a young woman, named Patches, who is the sole owner of the name.  She is unique and special and no one else could carry her name.  She is the sister of one of my oldest and dearest friends/sister, Robin Boatright Swisher.  Patches is a gorgeous blond and I remember her as a little girl, walking around, totally cute and funny.  Now, she is a gorgeous woman.  Wow, life is wonderful.  Okay, I have rambled a bit.  Here is a picture of Peaches.  We will have her at our home in about a week.



Peaches!


We will care for Peaches and love her sooooo much.  We will tell her that she is loved everyday to make sure she knows it!  I love her so much already.  She is very much a lady and she kind of treats you with polite horror!  She allowed me to hold her and pet her, but she wanted back to Melissa.  Melissa is her current Mom.  Melissa cannot handle 2 dogs.  The other dog is Barry.  Let me assure you, Barry will be our dog, too.  Barry loves Peaches and Peaches loves Barry.  Melissa is a kind person and she treats the animals wonderfully, but she is what I would call..."a cat person who really, really really REALLY wants to be a dog person."  She loves to have a pet, but not give the care a dog needs.  Melissa needs to invest in a kitty. Yes, kitties require love and affection, food and water.  BUT, they also like to be left alone and don't require hours of catching ball, running around and taking walks. ha ha  I know we will get Barry sooner than later.  I just hope it is not too long of a wait.  I worry that Peaches will feel abandoned.  I suppose she will.  That is why Sarah and I have pledged to love her up so much she will feel she has found her true home with us.


Anyway, I love Jessie and I continue to send him love and health vibes.  I love Sam, but I am still unsure of where our friendship will go.  I just want Sam to be happy.




This beautiful and happy dog's name is Sanchez.  He reminds me of Jessie!



What to do???????

He called.  My friend of many years, Sam (not his real name), called me, July 8th,  Friday night.  I have not heard from Sam in some time.  We had a falling out or we broke up or whatever you want to call it.  Sam is a gay man, we were like best friends or brother and sister.  Sam sent me a message on Facebook to let me know he needed to be away from me.  The issue?  Well, there were and are many issues.  The 2 main issues were: drinking and how he cares for his dogs.  I made an ultimatum, I guess. 

Sam is a alcoholic.  Sam thinks I am crazy and that he is not an alcoholic.  Sam suffers from a mental illness and alcoholism.  Yes, that is my unprofessional opinion.  That's it.  Talking to Sam in person or on the phone would tear me apart.  He would be drunk and irritable and mean.  When Sam was less drunk, for let's face it, the alcohol never has a chance to get out of his system, he is an intelligent and funny man!  I love him like a brother.  I really do.  But it was killing me inside and out to speak with him when he was drunk.  I am on this journey to wellness of mind, spirit and body and I just couldn't take it.  So, I told Sam I would only speak with him on the phone during the day.  Sam only drinks after 5pm.  Sam was angry about that from the beginning.  I can see why.  I mean, who am I to say that to him?  I am not a perfect angel and have tons of weight and depression and blahness to get over...but I felt like I couldn't help him and myself at the same time.  I have to think about myself first. 

Also, Sam doesn't take care of his 3 dogs like I would take care of my beloved pets.  They are overweight, he never takes them to the vet nor bathes them.  He will sometimes be so drunk at night he forgets them outside.  Luckily, it hasn't happened when it has been too cold.  One of Sam's dogs, Jessie, (again, not the sweet baby's name) and I have a special bond.  Jessie would come and visit me in my dreams.  I mean it.  In real time, I would be in the middle of a dream and galloping toward me would be Jessie, in the moment and happy to see me.  I would know I was in a dream and that Jessie was real.  I would tell Jessie hello and hug/kiss him and tell him I will see him soon.  Then Jessie would leave my dream, running happily home.  Jessie has seizures and is now very ill.  Though Jessie hasn't had a seizure in some time, when Sam called he said he thinks Jessie is dying.  Sam told me that he told Jessie, "You have to heal yourself, Daddy can't help you."  That made me furious!  That is like telling someone you love who broke their leg, they have to heal themselves.  Yes, I believe our minds and bodies are connected and we do have to have a positive attitude to heal ourselves.  BUT I believe God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddha...created people.  God created people who love to work in the medical field.  Western and Eastern medicine together is a beautiful thing.  But take your damn dog to the vet!  When Sarah and I had Tempie, he had many illnesses.  If he needed to go to the vet, he went.  If we had to starve or skip paying some bills or beg our Mom for money, Tempie went to the vet.  I just cannot understand a different way.

Anyway, this last call, as I was feeling my heart beat faster and my words stumbling out of my mouth nonsensically as I kept my feelings to myself, I realized that nothing has changed with Sam.  Nothing.  I can't do this again.  I instantly felt myself creeping back to my old self who agreed with everything Sam said and did, most of the time, what he asked me to do.  I hated that Amy.  I can't do that again. 

It was after talking with Sam and crying for a long time over Jessie, I realized I wasn't really that much different either.  I wasn't giving yoga my all.  Was I really studying as much as I should?  Was I practicing yoga as much as I should?  Was I creating a good environment in my home for writing and studying?  I had to be honest with myself and say no.  No, I wasn't studying my yoga, practicing my yoga nor creating a clean and clear environment to work and write.  My art was suffering, my spirit was suffering and my beautiful body was suffering.

So, I prayed to God.  I told God I was going to work harder in all areas of my life to achieve my goals and that I offer all that up for Sam and Jessie.  I offer it up especially for Jessie, who has a heart as big as the expanding Universe.  I love you Jessie.  I love you Sam.

This doggie reminds me of Jessie. xo

I signed up for the $65 a month membership to Pranayoga School.  Now I can go to yoga every day and as many times a day as I can stand!  Last Thursday I went to yoga @6:30 am and 5:30pm!  I am cleaning my house, which is full of clothes, papers and books.  I told my sister, Sarah, we are starting to look like hoarders!  I remember how GREAT it felt last September to get rid of 3 cars and now have just the Jeep.  We are doing the same thing in our house.  It is an amazing feeling. 

I am also learning more and more about an Ayurvedic lifestyle. I will be setting up an appointment with Dani, my mentor, to learn more about the diet and lifestyle.  I also would like to see the only Ayurvedic doctor in our area, in Muncie, Indiana.  I am trying to get over my agoraphobia by going out a little more.  I am being more honest about myself to myself.  I am allowing myself to feel sad if I am sad...but not allowing it to be who I am.  I remind myself constantly that I am a light!  I am happiness incarnate. 

I can't swoop in and take Jessie away from Sam.  Jessie adores Sam.  Sam is Jessie's daddy!  I just meditate, pulling the darkness out of Jessie and bringing it into me and turning it into bright light.  Then I see Jessie healthy and happy again.  ( I learned that simple meditation from Dani. xo) 

I love you, Jessie.  xoxoxoxoxo
Peace Love Joy
Amy xo

Tempie, old man, blind..but well taken care of and loved!  xo

Simon Park

I was set to go and practice with Simon Park.  I have never met him, but according to my teacher, Dani, he's the best!  I missed tonight.  I am going with the flow.  I am working very hard on not feeling sad or let down.  I am as I am.  I am, I said...to no one there!  Ok...a little Neil Diamond for you.

I miss my yoga classmates.  We didn't have class last Thursday.  They are a bunch of great gals!

I am working on a project for yoga class.  Yoga as art.  I think that goes without saying.  Yoga is an art and a science and a philosophy.  I have contacted artists and only one great yoga teacher, Eddie, responded.  What can I do? 

Does anyone really respond to blogs?  Is my blog a complete snore?  ha ha

Just a little post to blah it up.

Namaste fuck fuck fuck!  : )

Rich Logan and a night of chanting....and wine....and rain...

This event happened in May.  I know I know...I am a famous procrastinator!  I don't care...it's who I am.

Anyway, I decide to face my agoraphobia and go to an event held at a safe place for me, Pranayoga School of Health and Yoga southwest location in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  It's a great place...blah blah blah.  Just giving Prana a plug.  : )

It was an evening of chanting with Rich Logan who, I guess, is quite famous in these parts for the singing/chanting business.  I had never heard of him...yet I had.  In my usual trips around Google, I had already happened upon his blog when I was living with my Mom, Lois, for over a month this winter while she recovered from foot surgery.  (NIGHTMARE!)  ha ha  Just kidding.  I don't know if it's his blog, but he was featured. 

http://www.yogachicago.com/jan11/teacher.shtml

The picture of Rich Logan..well...he kind of looked like a homeless person or an old hippie who was a yogi who was a homeless man.  I am not trying to be mean, it was my first impression. 

When I saw him, live and in person, my imagination was not far from wrong.  When he was just sitting there, his gray hair was kind of scraggly (my own word) and pulled back in a ponytail.  He had a gray kind of pallor and he seemed small.  I sat on a cushion, uncomfortably, (I am a chair person.) and was happy to see Dani's husband, Chris, was going to play the drums.  Oh, I am skipping a lot of crap.  REWIND.xcklfjxclkjflk;djflksdjfl;

I make my sister, Sarah, come with me.  She is not pleased.  She kind of wanted to go but she wasn't too impressed with the idea.  She wanted to just go over to her friend Erin's house and drink and laugh.  blah  Well, we decided we could go to Erin's house after the chanting. Erin has been BEGGING to be my friend for some time now...and I gave in...finally.  It was getting pretty sad.  (Hi Erin!  love you!  ha ha)

One important thing, I am getting into better shape.  I was able to wear this black kind of hippie like shirt that I haven't been able to wear for sometime for it was wayyyyy too tight.  Also, I wore my red shoes that are velvety and fun. 



sexy red shoes and lots and lots of bracelets!


Cute shoes....I know!  Anyway, I was feeling ok...but I was sooooooo nervous, I needed wine.  I know.  As a yogi, I should rely on meditation and so on, but wine is a good source of vitamin c and grapeful goodness.  So, we bought a couple of bottles of Cabernet and off we went.

When we arrived, I was so nervous, I could hardly walk in my cute, red shoes.  I was walking like Frankenstein.  I saw Dani, but she had her kids (2 really cute girls) and she had her hands full.  Sarah and I went into the studio and just sat there on the couch.  I have to admit, I had had about 2 glasses of wine.  I was not feeling much pain.  Then Chris, Dani's husband, came over and greeted us with love and hugs.  He is soooo handsome and a sweetheart.  He is also very kind. 

We were finally allowed to go into the studio and sit on the floor on cushions.  It was beautiful inside.  There were little candles everywhere and the lighting was PERFECT!  I could have sat in a chair, but Sarah and I decided to sit on cushions to the left front by the man, Rich Logan.  As I said earlier, he was looking kind of hippie and straw like hair.  But, he was smiling and warm.  He started and had a lovely speaking voice.  I am a sucker for a nice voice.  If a man has a voice that grates on me...he's done.  Anyway, Sarah and I were pleased to see that Chris was going to be drumming.  I would like to add a video of the event, but it's super black.  You can see Chris' shadow but you cannot see Rich Logan at all.  I only had my cell phone and it sucked.  Let's see if I can add it.

Well, You can see Chris' shadow and hear the chanting.  It was very special.

The only thing that sucked that whole night was this girl.  Her mother was one of those mothers...you know...their kids get away with murder.  This girl was about 8 yrs old and would scream out and talk to Rich Logan, who would pretend she was great and was snacking on the treats at the front for an offering for AFTER the show.  My mother would have smacked us back in line so fast I would have been chanting a prayer of forgiveness.  BUT we would never have done that for we, all 4 daughters, were pretty well behaved in public.  At home, that was another story.

OK, it was a great love fun fest.  Oh, Amanda from my yoga class was there.  She is so sweet.  Also, Claudia was there dressed in a beautiful sari.  Amanda is a good friend to me in class and so is Claudia.  Really, all the girls in my yoga teacher training are really great to me.

The best part came when it was over and I went up to Rich Logan to thank him for a wonderful evening.  It really was beautiful and he has a great voice.  He offered me an almond.  I refused.  THEN he said, "How about a hug?"
Well ladies, I said yes.  AND THE MAN HUGGED SO WELL !

I mean it.  Rich Logan can hug me anytime...if you get my meaning!  ha ha  Meaning????  You cannot judge a person by the way they look.  I was standing in front of him and he was tall and had a good build.  He had gentle eyes and a good face.  Oh...did I mention his hugging ?????  OMMMM my!

Seriously, all hugging aside, it was a lovely time.

It was pouring rain.  I love that.  An extra bonus!  I love RAIN!

We went over to Erin's, she was all over me with with adoration.  Her husband is funny though he is Republican and there was another girl, also named Amy, who was gorgeous...as all Amys' are!  ha ha  I drank wine, ate chips and dip and we went home. 

I went to sleep with chanting in my heart.  Thanks Rich Logan.  You sure hug like a pro!  Anytime mister....anytime  : )

Peace Love JOY