The Naked Yoga journey with Amy begins! : )

Blogging is totally new to me.  I have no idea what the hell I am doing or why I am doing this.  I just felt I needed to document in a very public way my very personal journey with yoga.  I love yoga.  It has forced me to grow and change and I have fought that growth every day!  ha

I NEVER thought I would do yoga.  I mean, I thought I needed to do the kickboxing or aerobics to get into shape.  Well, all those kinds of work outs always injured me.  I would injure my knees, my hips, back, arms and then I would totally stop working out for months.  I just never thought I could be strong physically.  I would get into decent shape, then fall right back into the sofa. 

My beautiful niece, Marriam, got me into yoga.  Marriam lives in NYC and works in the fashion industry.  Marriam and her friends are gorgeous and tall.  Marriam is also a sweet angel who loves her aunt (that's me!) very much.  She loves me so much she said, "Aunt Amy, you need to do Bikram yoga.  It will help you lose a lot of weight and you will love it!  Trust me."  Well, I am not sure how she said it, but she said it.  Marriam and I share a lot of interests and I do really trust her opinions.  Then I let 8 months pass. 

I saw Marriam again, (I call her Mimi but you can't call her that!  : )  and she reminded me about the yoga and how it relaxed her.  Marriam said one thing that made me want to look into yoga.  Marriam told me it centered her after her crazy days and it was "peaceful."  I needed peace.  I have always said, "peace love".  For years and years, I would sign letters and emails "peace love".  I needed both.  I was sooooo scared. 

I don't know how much about myself I will reveal in this blog, but I will admit to this, I was super duper overweight, deathly depressed and agoraphobic.  Yes, I almost hate to admit the agoraphobia.  People do double takes when I admit that fact.  Not Amy.  Amy is outgoing and funny.  She is not agoraphobic.  Then, people had to realize, when did they ever see me?  If you saw me, it was by accident and rare.  I hardly left the house.  I would go to my mother's house or to my friend Shawn's house.  Occasionally, I would go to sweet Ben and Mark's home.  I mean, once a year.  I love Ben and Mark, but I would often stay home and my twin sister, Sarah, would go out with those guys or go to their house.  I still suffer with agoraphobia and stress about going places.  I am still recovering and may never get over it. 

After Marriam told me I could find peace with yoga, I emailed several yoga instructors and businesses and explained I was nuts and had a lot of weight to lug around.   I received a few emails back and they were all very blah and not interested in helping me in my special situation.  Then I received Dani Vani McGuire from Pranayoga School of Yoga and Health.  It was May 2010 and I felt love.  Dani's email was short and sweet, but somehow, love and kindness came through her note.  I was excited for the first time in forever.  I didn't care about anything.  I could hardly write or read anymore.  I was blah blah bleeeeh.  But Dani made me feel like I could do anything.  It still amazes me.  How did it happen?  Why?  Who knows, who cares...I was hooked.  I hadn't even been to the studio and yet I felt I had a new and true friend.  I was right.

I met Dani at her studio in downtown Fort Wayne, In.  It was a Saturday and I was shaking and sweating.  I had to take a couple pills to calm my nerves and they were not working.  I was going to meet someone new, a healthy person, and try to sell myself to her.  I say that because I felt sure, in my heart, I had to do this.  I felt sure I was saving my life in more ways than one and I needed her to allow me to join the yoga crowd.  I really felt that she would tell me..."oh...you are too fat and crazy...you should try to get it together first."  I really did think that way for a long time.  I saw myself as a monster...a beast.  I felt sorry that people had to look at me.  My mind told me I was ugly and worthless.  I really believed that! 

I walked into Dani's beautiful studio that day and a whoooooosh of love washed over me.  It was super hot outside and hot in the studio, but the love I felt from Dani was cooling and real.  You know, those people that hug you and it feels weird and fake?  Well, Dani came right up to me and hugged me and I expected fake...I felt love.  Pure love.  She saw me.  Amy.  She didn't see my fat ass or my sweat or my panting or my nerves or my fears....she saw Amy.  It was beautiful.  I have loved Dani ever since that moment.  I knew right then and there, she was my mentor.  Also, Jane, who runs the daily business of Prana, was so beautiful and slim and yoga perfect...and she was so sweet to me.  Jane hugged me with genuine love and interest.  I still don't know how to explain this first experience, but I am so blessed I received it.   It felt like a hug from God.

Needless to say, I Love Pranayoga School and their wonderful star, Dani.  She is a true person.  She is pure love.  In all her imperfections, she is perfect.  She makes you feel accomplished and cheers you on and sends love to all her students. 

Now, I am studying yoga for my certification to teach yoga.  It's very hard for my physically and mentally.  I am on a quantum leap and it is a QUANTUM LEAP!  I asked for it...I am getting it.  : )

Tomorrow I go to a new yoga teacher and a new class, Yin Vin Yoga.  What????  ha   I will let you know.  It's amazing how varied yoga is and how much I benefit from that diversity. 

I am still scared.  I am still afraid to go to new places and see new people.  But I go anyway.  I am blessed and loved.  Peace Love JOY

More later.....: )