Kickin' my ASSSSSSSSSS!

Yes, it is time.  I realized in yoga class last Thursday, it is time to kick my asssssssssssss.  We took a surprise quiz.  I did horribly.  I thought I had been doing ok...reading the material, doing the homework...for the most part.  I just had to say it out loud, I am being a lazy assssssssssss.  I have been doing just enough to get by and that is not enough.

I have spent my life doing just enough to get by and move on.  I don't want to do that with yoga.  I am a YOGI, DAMN IT!  I want to be the BEST YOGI I can be!!!!!  I am not cutting it, people.

So, I am going to do a cleanse.  I am not doing this cleanse to lose pounds.  I want to do a healthy "Spring Cleaning" type of cleanse.  I have tons of "rubbish" in my tummy.  My core is just not clean.  I want to pour in the Prana or LIFE and get rid of all the blah in my belly. 

I really think of my body as a machine.  Well, this machine is in need of a fix!  Though it is wonderful I am doing the yoga and all, I am not studying as hard as I should study.  When I was in college, I was a really great studier.  I buckled down and learned the stuff without memorization.  (that never works)  I would write out all my material and read it over until I felt comfy with it.  Depending on the material, that could be 3 to 20 times.  (Ask my friend Ben about studying for out Milton exams.  Poor guy...it was more like 50 times!  I love you Ben xoxo)  I have been reading everything, but not really reading to learn.  I have been reading to say, "Homework is done!"  C'est fini!  Not good enough.

Also, I haven't been doing yoga everyday.  I cannot call my self a student of the beautiful philosophy and science that is yoga and not do yoga everyday!  I really want to become a member at Prana for $65 a month.  It's a great deal. You get unlimited yoga at both downtown and southwest locations.  Pray I can fit it into my budget. 

I just wanted my readers to know I am recommitting myself to this goal:  I, Amy Louise Bernadette Faurote, will be the best damn YOGI I can be!  Peace Love JOY

xoxoxoxoxo

Sending out a HAPPY VIBE!  Peace Love JOY JOY  JOY xo

All is well

"Yoga teaches us to cure what need not be endured and endure what cannot be cured." ~ B.K.S. Iyengar

I love this quote.  I am curing myself, physically and mentally.  I am enduring, not so well.  I know it will come along.  I worry a lot about things I need not worry about any longer.


I cannot force love or force myself to do what I cannot yet do.  As I continue my practice, I will connect more and more with the Divine.  I will be free.  I am free.  It's amazing. 

All this "Rapture" stuff really made me think.  (From my understanding, the end of the world for everyone who isn't a Christian or something...either way...I am screwed!) If the world were to end right now, how would I feel?  I realized, I would be fine.  I know that change just means new beginnings.  I must hold that thought close to my heart and remember,with total assurance, that all the love I give is going to come back and knock me on my ass one day.  I can't wait.  : )

During this time of change, which just means life, many things have come and gone.  I am more happy, more satisfied with myself, love myself more and appreciate my body more.   The bad changes have been losing friends and realizing that those people I thought were forever or super strong, were not.  That really hurts because one of those people was me.  Even though my "past self" was really overweight, super sad, super sick, super blah, I kind of feel badly for her.  It's like it was another person.  I guess I am trying to say that even at the worst, I was still loved by me and my inner being.  I still loved that Amy.  Now, I am still overweight, still have anxiety, still deal with depression, and sometimes I am super blah.  Yet there is a tiny bit of me that is wise and I can hear that part saying, "All is well and you are loved".  (Abe)  When you realized that, you realize that going through some hard times and doing a lot of wrong things occurred so I could learn and do some right things.  I am learning. 

Each day I grow more free, more blessed, more strong and more like me.  I really like me.  I spend a lot of time with me and I am telling you, I laugh all the time.  Yes, I am alone, but I am funny.  ha ha ha

Basically, I am learning to be easy on myself as I learn new things everyday.  I do regress a lot, but that means I overcome a lot.  The more I overcome, the more I will be me.  Just me, perfect Amy.

Peace Love JOY
Amy

This is an untitled painting I am working on right now.  It is very rough.  It is like the prayer pose. 

OOOPS

OOOOPS is right.  I have learned an important lesson.  Do not complete a blog post around 2 or 3 AM and expect it to be fine.  I had tons of typos and blips and blops.  Sorry everyone. 

I feel better getting the story of teaching night out.  It was an overwhelming experience.  One thing I now know for sure, I belong in that class.  I had been feeling very out of place and sucky up until I taught.  The support I received from Dani, my yogi extraordinaire, and my classmates, was cleansing.  I felt like I belonged.  That is a great feeling. 

I want to talk about seeing Rich Logan chant and play guitar last Saturday night, but I am going to take the time to get my thoughts straight prior to writing the post.  (new thing!)  Oh, and I have to pay a bill.  Good times!

Peace Love JOY
Amy

Sending out a fabulous yoga happy vibe!  Namaste xo

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!

I did it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I taught my first yoga class ever!  OMG  I was so nervous.  That is why there has not been any new posts in my blog.  I have been overwhelmed with teaching nerves.  But I did it and there is no one happier than me!

The whole 2 weeks to my teaching, I have been a nervous wreck to being completing calm.  OK...mostly a nervous wreck.  My poor sister, Sarah, was ready to die!  She was so sick of me going on and on about all my fears.  Really, I think she was most tired of being kind to me and saying encouraging things.  ha ha  Sarah has her limit.  ha ha  Just kidding.  She is the best sister ever!  I am very much blessed.

Anyway, I put off a lot for a few days.  I just napped, cooked, read, napped, went to yoga, laid around, complained...then I slapped my face and said "Get to work, ding dong!"  So, I started working on my sequence for the class, researching the benefits and modifications of the various poses.  Good...right?  No..wrong!  I then had a total break down.   I went over my sequence and I couldn't remember anything.  My notes were all rambly and crappy and my ability to remember or even pronounce Sanskrit was a joke.  I tried to work with Sarah, teaching her, and I would forget what poses were what, even how to do them!  I couldn't remember mountain pose????  I mean, come on.  Mountain pose is standing there, grounded to the Earth, arms down to the side and palms facing out.  Basically, standing tall and with great posture.  I was a mess.  I would whine about it on Facebook and all my friends were very kind.  Yet I am sure, they wanted to tell me to shut the hell up and just do it!  That is what I had to finally tell myself. 

The day of teaching was a bit manic as I paced around the house and went over my sequence.  I finally put the index cards I had created away in a little red poofy bag that my friend, Jen (who owns

http://www.loveandtea.com/ ) had sent a gift of OM tea and a tea thingy.  haha   What are they called?  Tea strainer?  I am sure there is a proper word for it, but it was heart shaped and lovely and I appreciate her very much.  Go to her website, she sells beautiful teas and fun stuff.  xo Jen xo

Back to teaching day...I swear, I wanted a glass of wine.  I was soooo tempted, I can't even tell you.  I would come into the kitchen and look at that bottle of Cabernet and I would have to pull myself away.  It was tough. 

I bought myself a smoothie, Peach slice plus, at the Smoothie King, for I hadn't eaten a thing all day.  Then I had daymares of puking that smoothie all over the yoga studio.  ugh  I listened to Lady Gaga all the way to the yoga studio.  Believe it or not, Lady Gaga relaxes me and pumps me up at the same time. 

I got there and talked to people, bought tickets for an event I am going to tonight at Prana.  (music and chanting)  It was all a blur.  My classmates were all sweet and kind, and I smiled and answered questions, but I can't remember a thing.  Dani came in and the room was silent.  We all kind of felt my angst, I think.  We had a good work out then on to academic stuff.  All during class, I asked questions and participated like normal, but I felt like running out of there.  When the class part of class was over, it was my turn...and I was like a block of wood.  I really felt super stiff and like I could hardly move!  Oh yes, this was going to be great. 

My friend, Mark, sent me this picture when I found out I was accepted into Dani's teacher's yoga training class.  This is exactly how I felt!  ha ha  Funny NOW!

Dani helped me put my CD into the stereo, The Gabe Dixon Band.  I then went back to my mat.  I just sat there, in the front.  Do you know how it feels to be in the FRONT of a yoga class?  It was crazy anxiety filled ooops I farted puked in my mouth swallow gasp and fart again scary.  No, I did not fart...audibly.  : )

A few ladies were talking and I was just looking at them.  Honestly, in my head, I am thinking, "Take your time ladies, this is cutting into the time where I have to teach...I appreciate your sidebar."  (By the way, I have always hated the word "sidebar".  I always wanted to tell my bosses over the years to shut the fuck up and never shoooosh me again.  I just hate that word and I hate to be shooooshed.  ugh)  Weirdly, the 2 ladies glanced up at me and said, "oh!" and hurriedly sat down on their mats.  It was like I had some kind of power that I didn't even know I was using or had and it was crazy nuts weird.  I almost said, "no no, you guys, finish your conversation."  Maybe I did say it?  I am not sure.  It's kind of blurry.

Suddenly, I felt good.  I felt like, hey, I can do this!  I like all these girls and they know I am not as good as they are, they know I am really new to this gig and I am nervous.  haha   All is well. 

Then I start my yoga sequence.  I stuttered and stopped a few times.  I realized they were all listening to me and looking at me like, "Okay ding dong, what now?" and I didn't know "what now?"...I knew nothing.  For a few seconds (yet it seemed like days) I paused and kind of "duhhhhhh....uhhhhh ummmmm" like a putz.  Then I carried on, shakily and somewhat distractedly, with the class.

Here is my sequence:

-Get everyone grounded on their mats.  Remind everyone to be in the moment and to set their intention for the class.  My intention for the class was to survive the class and go home to a glass of Cabernet, my friend.  : ) 

-teach everyone a way of breathing, Ujjayi breath, that will help them monitor and feel their breath and gage how your practice is going.  If you can't do the Ujjayi breath, you need to slow down or take a rest.  Ujjayi breath is a constriction in your throat that you hear when you exhale through your nose.  It's the same constriction you would do if you were trying to fog up a mirror, with your mouth, blowing the air out.  Only you use your nostrils!  It's a great way to breathe.  : )

WARM UPS
-Ardha Chandrasana-side stretch while sitting, 1 hand on the floor and the other arm is arched above your head.  Do both arms, obviously.  : )

-Rolling Shoulders forward and back, up and down. 
-Seated back bend
-Seated forward bend

TABLE WARM UPS
-Table position to Cat (Marjariasana) (exhale) to Cow (inhale)  The Cat/Cow positions strengthen your lower back and relieve back pain.
-Hip Circles  Back into the neutral Table position, you put your knees back a bit and do figure 8s with your hips.  Pause where you feel tension or pain, kind of relax into the tension or pain and move through it.  The figure 8s warm up your hips and help build heat to help you through your practice.
-Child's Pose (Garbhasanana)  This pose is a good position to return to any time during your practice when you need to rest.  If your breath becomes shaky or if the practice feels too intense, go into Child's pose.  Child's Pose is also really good for cramps or constipation.
-Back to Table Pose then stand up and go into Downward Dog.  Stay in Downward Dog for 5 full breaths.
-Then step to the front of your mat.

Sun Salutations (Standing Poses)
-Prana Masana (hands in prayer position) to Extended Tadasana (inhale)(arching back with hands in the air) to Uttanasana (Exhale) (forward fold), inhale up a bit then back down into Uttanasana (exhale), then step back into Plank or Chaturanga Dandasana,then lower down to knees slowly, keeping your spine and neck straight, lower entire body down, keeping your hands flat on the mat by your chest, then into Cobra or Bhujangasana (inhale) then to Adho Mukha Svanasana (exhale) take 5 breaths, relax neck and shoulders while in Adho Mukha Svanasana (Downward Dog), then step forward and get into Uttanasana (exhale) to Tadasana (inhale) then exhale and hands into prayer pose.  Repeat Sun Salutations

STANDING POSES
-Mountain Pose (Tadasana) lift toes, press 4 corners of feet down into the Earth, Widen your shoulders, arms straight down by your side, palms out to open your armpits and raise heart.  This pose improves posture and maintains healthy joints.
-Chair Pose (Utkatasana) hands in prayer pose, then arms reaching out front of your or up to the sky, lower as if you are going to sit into a chair and hold for 5 breaths.  This pose strengthens leg muscles, your core, massages abdominal organs and builds digestive fire!
-Warrior I (Virabhadrasana)  This pose helps hip flexibility, tones abs, and helps one face life with an open heart.  hold for 5 breaths
-Warrior II (Virabhadrasana II) Strengthens all your muscles and aligns your shoulders/legs  hold for 5 breaths
-Side Angle (Parsvakonasana) Put legs into a shorter stance than Warrior, forearm on the front thigh, can place hand on floor or a block on the outer side of leg.  This pose strengthens ankles, knees, legs, hips, shoulders and nourishes the spine.
-Triangle (Trikonasana)  Both feet facing forward, bend with 1 hand to the outside of the knee (sideways bend) and the other hand up in the air.  Keep front knee slightly bent.  This pose is good for alignment, breath, balance and energy.  Repeat Standing Poses for the opposite side.  I usually start with the right side, then do the left side.  : )

BALANCING
-Tree Pose (Vriksasana)  Start with hands in prayer pose, pressing right foot into left ankle, calf or inner thigh.  You can keep your hands in prayer pose, stretch arms out in front of you or stretch arms up reaching up as high as a tree.  Remember to create a focal point to maintain your balance.  This pose strengthens legs, good for knee pain and creates inner peace/balance.  Hold for 5 breaths.  Then do the opposite side.

BACKWARD BEND
-Bridge Pose (Setubandhasana) Begin on back with knees bent, feet hip width apart and ankles directly under your knees.  Inhale arch back up and arms at side exhale slowly down 5 x
On the 5th time hold the pose for 5 breaths.  This pose strengthens back, bottom, legs, opens the chest, solar plexus and hips.
-Forward Bend (Janusirshasana)  One can use a strap to complete this pose.  Sitting on the floor, legs stretched out, bend right knee and bring sole of right foot against your left inner thigh, or as close as you can get there.  Ground your sits bones (sit on a cushion or wedge to help to rotate forward), reach out and hold your left foot in your hands.  This pose lengthens spine, enhances breathing.  Hold the pose for 5 breaths.  Repeat left leg.

SHOULDER STAND (Ardha Sarvangasana) you could put a blanket under your shoulders to assist you.  (not too thick), hands are placed under hips, press elbows into the Earth, hands supporting, roll hips off the ground.  Use the wall to support yourself to a full shoulder stand or stay in 1/2 shoulder stand.  You can also put your legs into Lotus position or put 1 leg down on the floor.  Hold the position for at least 5 breaths.  This pose helps regulate blood pressure, brings blood to the face and brain, massages thyroid/thymus and restarts your internal organs like a computer restarting. 

PLOW POSE (Halasana)  Begin like in the 1/2 Shoulder Stand, hinge at hips (legs straight) and bring legs down to the ground or onto a prop or the wall) Keep spine neutral and do not round your spine, DO NOT LOOK AROUND while in this pose, if you can't touch your toes behind your head in Plow Pose yet, keep your arms down by your sides to support yourself.  If you can touch your toes behind your head, use your hands/arms to support your back.  This pose is good for the spine and again, restarts your internal organs as a computer restarts.

FISH POSE (Matsyasana)  You can use a bolster or pillow under your head.  lying on your back, relax your shoulders/neck, place hands under your bottom, palms down and head to the ground, forearms to the ground, only a light pressure to your head, don't put all your weight on your head!, press bottom down onto hands and extend your legs out straight in front of you.  The Fish Pose is a cleansing pose, opens your diaphragm and massages heart/lungs through activation of they thymus.

TWIST POSE

My favorite is to be on your back, bend knees and bring them up, kind of roll around either using a straight to hold your feet or your hands holding your feet in Happy Baby Pose.  Then hold your arms out to the sides, like in the form of a "T".  Slowly lower your bent knees to the right side of our body and look to your left.  Make sure to not lift your shoulders off the floor.  Then back up to neutral in the middle, then slowly lower your bent knees to the left side of your body and look to the right. 

CORPSE POSE (Savasana my favorite!)
Lie on your back comfortably.  If your knees bother you, put a pillow or bolster under your knees.  Just relax and let your mind go blank.  This deep relaxation is very important and should not be skipped.  This pose is perfect for deep relaxation, calming and good for those with high blood pressure.  Stay in this position for at least 5 minutes.

Meditation  My meditation was for everyone to sit comfortably, breath deeply and in no special way, listen to their breath and feel what it would feel like if their dream or dreams would be manifested.  I explained by saying one of my dreams was to be very healthy and strong.  So I would try to feel, really feel how it will feel to be strong and healthy.  Do this meditation for at least 5 minutes and no longer than 15 minutes.

Closing
I reminded everyone of their intention.  We all chanted Om Namah Shivaya (honoring the Divinity that is within you) and said a happy NAMASTE!

Please do not do these poses without supervision from a yoga teacher.  If you are an accomplished yogi, go ahead.  This is just the regular stuff.  But someone who has never done yoga or very little of it, should always practice with a teacher. You have less risk of injury and you really learn the correct way of doing things.  : )

After that, I really don't know what the hell happened!  Dani and the entire class gave me constructive criticism and compliments.  I really felt they were all fair and made total sense.  MOST OF ALL, I felt such an abundance of love and support.  I did not really see that coming.  I was kind of overwhelmed.  I felt a little sobby but didn't cry. 

My classmates are the BEST and most BEAUTIFUL ladies I have ever met.  They are gorgeous inside and out. I am so grateful for them and am really very blessed. 

I will go over criticisms and praise I received in another post.  This post has taken so long to write.  I have been so overwhelmed by the whole experience.

I don't think I have to tell you, but I screamed over and over again in the Jeep on my way home, "I DID IT! I DID IT! I DID IT!"  I was really amazed.  I still have so much to learn, but I really feel like I hit a milestone.  I feel so much more confident in myself and my abilities in every area of my life.  Everything seems to be coming together and I am feeling happy way more than I am feeling sad. 

If you had told me in January that I would be in yoga teacher's training, I would never have believed it.    I am simply going with the flow.  I am keeping an eye out for more signals from the Universe, God, Buddha or whatever you believe and I know I am doing the right thing.  It is so amazing to know what you are doing is right...and you know what?  You are always doing the right thing.  Everything you experience in your life, every decision, even when the results suck, it's the right thing.  I am the creator of my own life and the Universe love me!  I am healthy and wealthy!  All my dreams are coming true.  Cool.

Peace Love JOY

Fibromyalgia night from hell!

I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.  I really like to refer to it as "Fatbromyalgia" because I think my body is pissed at me for getting really fat.  It's payback.  Anyway, I just feel like a diagnosis is just that and who cares. 

BUT tonight, I felt the agony.  I have had what is called "flare ups" before and have crimped and cracked around.  This past week has been different.  It has been HELL.  Today, I could not walk without my cane.  Yes, I have a cane.  It is a nice wood cane.  I would like to get a fancier one one day.  : )  Anyway, I was out of my medication and had finally picked it up this afternoon.  The whole point of this ramble is that I made it to yoga even though I could barely walk or drive!

One of my classmates, Amanda, was suffering too.  I kind of know why, but that is none of your  business.  In our yoga teacher training, it's like the confessional in Catholic Church...what comes out never comes out out.  So, all the really juicy stuff...well...can't share it.  I have really grown to love these women in a very short time.  They are so lovely and interesting, I wouldn't want to break their trust.  (But in a novel and names changed...wellllllll  haha)

Tonight, I could do less than my usual during the poses.  It was so frustrating.  I felt ashamed.  I know that is crazy and my own perceptions are cracking me up...but it is a pain in the ass to suffer this pain.  Dani, my teacher whom I love and adore, floats around the room and makes me feel good.  She really cares.  I am not kidding.  She is one of those people who are genuine lovey dollies.  I am so blessed to know her.  OH, my future husband, Chris, Dani's current husband, was in class tonight.  : )  It's my joke.  The truth is, they make a gorgeous couple inside and out and I really care about him too.  I really admire him.  Anyway...

We had a great discussion on the book, Value of Values tonight.  ( I will cover this in next blog.)  It was a great class except for hardly being able to move and feeling like crap. 

I was feeling so sad really, at the end of class.  I feel badly because next Thursday, I teach the class.  UGH YIKES OMG  Yes, it's true.  The sarcastic side of me says, "Are you kidding me?  You suck so badly and all these girlies are a billion times better than you!"  I kind of said as much and one of my classmates, Erin, said the best thing.   She said this is our safe place.  No one is going to judge you or make you feel badly.  Well, she said it much better.  It made me think of the movie "Independence Day" with Will Smith.  The world came together to fight a shared enemy, aliens!  They all worked together and realized we are all one.  Everyone of those ladies in my class, whether they like me, hate me or are indifferent, definitely support me.  They have my back.  I feel so much better.

Oh, another thing.  My pain in my legs and feet and everywhere...well...it has dissipated tremendously.  Why?  There is nothing like a big glass of Cabernet Sauvignon and a pain pill to cut the agony OUT!  That is why this isn't the best blog entry on the planet, but I just wanted to check in.  I have a  much better one to share about going first in the teaching yoga and a discussion on the book, Value of Values.





Me and my medicine  haha  I am not a drunk!  I swear!  : )

 Peace Love JOY

It's all about Joy people and a good glass of wine!

Amy : )