We are friends?

I would like to thank my friends/followers who make comments.  I really appreciate your opinions and input.

"Sam" and I are kind of talking again.  We have shared 2 phone calls and they were fun and full of laughter.  I still want to wait.  I do not  want to go over to his house and I don't think I could stand to see Jessie.  Jessie is an innocent, sweet bundle of love.  I still have HUGE anger over his care.  I also know that Jessie ADORES Sam and if I came in there and removed Jessie, he would die from heartbreak.
 




Tempie in 2008!  Well cared for and loved.

 This brings me back to a saying that my mother, Lois, used to say to me when I was a little girl.  I would cry and sob over all the animals in shelters, the Jews of the Holocaust, the starving children in Africa...My Mom would say, "Amy, you can't take care of the world.  You simply have to take care of your loved ones and those around you.  Do a good job and it will grow."  What's funny, I never really understood what she meant.  I thought she meant, just take care of your own...forget everyone else...etc...  Mom meant, you show others the lovely way to care for your animals and family and friends.  You love and treat others the way you want to be treated.  I get it now.  My Mom was a good teacher and an adorable and loving Mom.  xo


Now, Sarah and I are looking forward to welcoming a new baby girl into our family.  Her current name is Patches.  We are changing it to Peaches.  She definitely seems more like a Peaches.  Also, I know a young woman, named Patches, who is the sole owner of the name.  She is unique and special and no one else could carry her name.  She is the sister of one of my oldest and dearest friends/sister, Robin Boatright Swisher.  Patches is a gorgeous blond and I remember her as a little girl, walking around, totally cute and funny.  Now, she is a gorgeous woman.  Wow, life is wonderful.  Okay, I have rambled a bit.  Here is a picture of Peaches.  We will have her at our home in about a week.



Peaches!


We will care for Peaches and love her sooooo much.  We will tell her that she is loved everyday to make sure she knows it!  I love her so much already.  She is very much a lady and she kind of treats you with polite horror!  She allowed me to hold her and pet her, but she wanted back to Melissa.  Melissa is her current Mom.  Melissa cannot handle 2 dogs.  The other dog is Barry.  Let me assure you, Barry will be our dog, too.  Barry loves Peaches and Peaches loves Barry.  Melissa is a kind person and she treats the animals wonderfully, but she is what I would call..."a cat person who really, really really REALLY wants to be a dog person."  She loves to have a pet, but not give the care a dog needs.  Melissa needs to invest in a kitty. Yes, kitties require love and affection, food and water.  BUT, they also like to be left alone and don't require hours of catching ball, running around and taking walks. ha ha  I know we will get Barry sooner than later.  I just hope it is not too long of a wait.  I worry that Peaches will feel abandoned.  I suppose she will.  That is why Sarah and I have pledged to love her up so much she will feel she has found her true home with us.


Anyway, I love Jessie and I continue to send him love and health vibes.  I love Sam, but I am still unsure of where our friendship will go.  I just want Sam to be happy.




This beautiful and happy dog's name is Sanchez.  He reminds me of Jessie!



What to do???????

He called.  My friend of many years, Sam (not his real name), called me, July 8th,  Friday night.  I have not heard from Sam in some time.  We had a falling out or we broke up or whatever you want to call it.  Sam is a gay man, we were like best friends or brother and sister.  Sam sent me a message on Facebook to let me know he needed to be away from me.  The issue?  Well, there were and are many issues.  The 2 main issues were: drinking and how he cares for his dogs.  I made an ultimatum, I guess. 

Sam is a alcoholic.  Sam thinks I am crazy and that he is not an alcoholic.  Sam suffers from a mental illness and alcoholism.  Yes, that is my unprofessional opinion.  That's it.  Talking to Sam in person or on the phone would tear me apart.  He would be drunk and irritable and mean.  When Sam was less drunk, for let's face it, the alcohol never has a chance to get out of his system, he is an intelligent and funny man!  I love him like a brother.  I really do.  But it was killing me inside and out to speak with him when he was drunk.  I am on this journey to wellness of mind, spirit and body and I just couldn't take it.  So, I told Sam I would only speak with him on the phone during the day.  Sam only drinks after 5pm.  Sam was angry about that from the beginning.  I can see why.  I mean, who am I to say that to him?  I am not a perfect angel and have tons of weight and depression and blahness to get over...but I felt like I couldn't help him and myself at the same time.  I have to think about myself first. 

Also, Sam doesn't take care of his 3 dogs like I would take care of my beloved pets.  They are overweight, he never takes them to the vet nor bathes them.  He will sometimes be so drunk at night he forgets them outside.  Luckily, it hasn't happened when it has been too cold.  One of Sam's dogs, Jessie, (again, not the sweet baby's name) and I have a special bond.  Jessie would come and visit me in my dreams.  I mean it.  In real time, I would be in the middle of a dream and galloping toward me would be Jessie, in the moment and happy to see me.  I would know I was in a dream and that Jessie was real.  I would tell Jessie hello and hug/kiss him and tell him I will see him soon.  Then Jessie would leave my dream, running happily home.  Jessie has seizures and is now very ill.  Though Jessie hasn't had a seizure in some time, when Sam called he said he thinks Jessie is dying.  Sam told me that he told Jessie, "You have to heal yourself, Daddy can't help you."  That made me furious!  That is like telling someone you love who broke their leg, they have to heal themselves.  Yes, I believe our minds and bodies are connected and we do have to have a positive attitude to heal ourselves.  BUT I believe God, the Universe, Jesus, Buddha...created people.  God created people who love to work in the medical field.  Western and Eastern medicine together is a beautiful thing.  But take your damn dog to the vet!  When Sarah and I had Tempie, he had many illnesses.  If he needed to go to the vet, he went.  If we had to starve or skip paying some bills or beg our Mom for money, Tempie went to the vet.  I just cannot understand a different way.

Anyway, this last call, as I was feeling my heart beat faster and my words stumbling out of my mouth nonsensically as I kept my feelings to myself, I realized that nothing has changed with Sam.  Nothing.  I can't do this again.  I instantly felt myself creeping back to my old self who agreed with everything Sam said and did, most of the time, what he asked me to do.  I hated that Amy.  I can't do that again. 

It was after talking with Sam and crying for a long time over Jessie, I realized I wasn't really that much different either.  I wasn't giving yoga my all.  Was I really studying as much as I should?  Was I practicing yoga as much as I should?  Was I creating a good environment in my home for writing and studying?  I had to be honest with myself and say no.  No, I wasn't studying my yoga, practicing my yoga nor creating a clean and clear environment to work and write.  My art was suffering, my spirit was suffering and my beautiful body was suffering.

So, I prayed to God.  I told God I was going to work harder in all areas of my life to achieve my goals and that I offer all that up for Sam and Jessie.  I offer it up especially for Jessie, who has a heart as big as the expanding Universe.  I love you Jessie.  I love you Sam.

This doggie reminds me of Jessie. xo

I signed up for the $65 a month membership to Pranayoga School.  Now I can go to yoga every day and as many times a day as I can stand!  Last Thursday I went to yoga @6:30 am and 5:30pm!  I am cleaning my house, which is full of clothes, papers and books.  I told my sister, Sarah, we are starting to look like hoarders!  I remember how GREAT it felt last September to get rid of 3 cars and now have just the Jeep.  We are doing the same thing in our house.  It is an amazing feeling. 

I am also learning more and more about an Ayurvedic lifestyle. I will be setting up an appointment with Dani, my mentor, to learn more about the diet and lifestyle.  I also would like to see the only Ayurvedic doctor in our area, in Muncie, Indiana.  I am trying to get over my agoraphobia by going out a little more.  I am being more honest about myself to myself.  I am allowing myself to feel sad if I am sad...but not allowing it to be who I am.  I remind myself constantly that I am a light!  I am happiness incarnate. 

I can't swoop in and take Jessie away from Sam.  Jessie adores Sam.  Sam is Jessie's daddy!  I just meditate, pulling the darkness out of Jessie and bringing it into me and turning it into bright light.  Then I see Jessie healthy and happy again.  ( I learned that simple meditation from Dani. xo) 

I love you, Jessie.  xoxoxoxoxo
Peace Love Joy
Amy xo

Tempie, old man, blind..but well taken care of and loved!  xo

Simon Park

I was set to go and practice with Simon Park.  I have never met him, but according to my teacher, Dani, he's the best!  I missed tonight.  I am going with the flow.  I am working very hard on not feeling sad or let down.  I am as I am.  I am, I said...to no one there!  Ok...a little Neil Diamond for you.

I miss my yoga classmates.  We didn't have class last Thursday.  They are a bunch of great gals!

I am working on a project for yoga class.  Yoga as art.  I think that goes without saying.  Yoga is an art and a science and a philosophy.  I have contacted artists and only one great yoga teacher, Eddie, responded.  What can I do? 

Does anyone really respond to blogs?  Is my blog a complete snore?  ha ha

Just a little post to blah it up.

Namaste fuck fuck fuck!  : )

Rich Logan and a night of chanting....and wine....and rain...

This event happened in May.  I know I know...I am a famous procrastinator!  I don't care...it's who I am.

Anyway, I decide to face my agoraphobia and go to an event held at a safe place for me, Pranayoga School of Health and Yoga southwest location in Fort Wayne, Indiana.  It's a great place...blah blah blah.  Just giving Prana a plug.  : )

It was an evening of chanting with Rich Logan who, I guess, is quite famous in these parts for the singing/chanting business.  I had never heard of him...yet I had.  In my usual trips around Google, I had already happened upon his blog when I was living with my Mom, Lois, for over a month this winter while she recovered from foot surgery.  (NIGHTMARE!)  ha ha  Just kidding.  I don't know if it's his blog, but he was featured. 

http://www.yogachicago.com/jan11/teacher.shtml

The picture of Rich Logan..well...he kind of looked like a homeless person or an old hippie who was a yogi who was a homeless man.  I am not trying to be mean, it was my first impression. 

When I saw him, live and in person, my imagination was not far from wrong.  When he was just sitting there, his gray hair was kind of scraggly (my own word) and pulled back in a ponytail.  He had a gray kind of pallor and he seemed small.  I sat on a cushion, uncomfortably, (I am a chair person.) and was happy to see Dani's husband, Chris, was going to play the drums.  Oh, I am skipping a lot of crap.  REWIND.xcklfjxclkjflk;djflksdjfl;

I make my sister, Sarah, come with me.  She is not pleased.  She kind of wanted to go but she wasn't too impressed with the idea.  She wanted to just go over to her friend Erin's house and drink and laugh.  blah  Well, we decided we could go to Erin's house after the chanting. Erin has been BEGGING to be my friend for some time now...and I gave in...finally.  It was getting pretty sad.  (Hi Erin!  love you!  ha ha)

One important thing, I am getting into better shape.  I was able to wear this black kind of hippie like shirt that I haven't been able to wear for sometime for it was wayyyyy too tight.  Also, I wore my red shoes that are velvety and fun. 



sexy red shoes and lots and lots of bracelets!


Cute shoes....I know!  Anyway, I was feeling ok...but I was sooooooo nervous, I needed wine.  I know.  As a yogi, I should rely on meditation and so on, but wine is a good source of vitamin c and grapeful goodness.  So, we bought a couple of bottles of Cabernet and off we went.

When we arrived, I was so nervous, I could hardly walk in my cute, red shoes.  I was walking like Frankenstein.  I saw Dani, but she had her kids (2 really cute girls) and she had her hands full.  Sarah and I went into the studio and just sat there on the couch.  I have to admit, I had had about 2 glasses of wine.  I was not feeling much pain.  Then Chris, Dani's husband, came over and greeted us with love and hugs.  He is soooo handsome and a sweetheart.  He is also very kind. 

We were finally allowed to go into the studio and sit on the floor on cushions.  It was beautiful inside.  There were little candles everywhere and the lighting was PERFECT!  I could have sat in a chair, but Sarah and I decided to sit on cushions to the left front by the man, Rich Logan.  As I said earlier, he was looking kind of hippie and straw like hair.  But, he was smiling and warm.  He started and had a lovely speaking voice.  I am a sucker for a nice voice.  If a man has a voice that grates on me...he's done.  Anyway, Sarah and I were pleased to see that Chris was going to be drumming.  I would like to add a video of the event, but it's super black.  You can see Chris' shadow but you cannot see Rich Logan at all.  I only had my cell phone and it sucked.  Let's see if I can add it.

Well, You can see Chris' shadow and hear the chanting.  It was very special.

The only thing that sucked that whole night was this girl.  Her mother was one of those mothers...you know...their kids get away with murder.  This girl was about 8 yrs old and would scream out and talk to Rich Logan, who would pretend she was great and was snacking on the treats at the front for an offering for AFTER the show.  My mother would have smacked us back in line so fast I would have been chanting a prayer of forgiveness.  BUT we would never have done that for we, all 4 daughters, were pretty well behaved in public.  At home, that was another story.

OK, it was a great love fun fest.  Oh, Amanda from my yoga class was there.  She is so sweet.  Also, Claudia was there dressed in a beautiful sari.  Amanda is a good friend to me in class and so is Claudia.  Really, all the girls in my yoga teacher training are really great to me.

The best part came when it was over and I went up to Rich Logan to thank him for a wonderful evening.  It really was beautiful and he has a great voice.  He offered me an almond.  I refused.  THEN he said, "How about a hug?"
Well ladies, I said yes.  AND THE MAN HUGGED SO WELL !

I mean it.  Rich Logan can hug me anytime...if you get my meaning!  ha ha  Meaning????  You cannot judge a person by the way they look.  I was standing in front of him and he was tall and had a good build.  He had gentle eyes and a good face.  Oh...did I mention his hugging ?????  OMMMM my!

Seriously, all hugging aside, it was a lovely time.

It was pouring rain.  I love that.  An extra bonus!  I love RAIN!

We went over to Erin's, she was all over me with with adoration.  Her husband is funny though he is Republican and there was another girl, also named Amy, who was gorgeous...as all Amys' are!  ha ha  I drank wine, ate chips and dip and we went home. 

I went to sleep with chanting in my heart.  Thanks Rich Logan.  You sure hug like a pro!  Anytime mister....anytime  : )

Peace Love JOY

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I am sorry that I have not been posting regularly.  I have stuff to say, but not the will to post it.  It's not really depression as much as it's...well...what? 

I don't know how to put it.  I feel as though things are rapidly changing in my life, yet I also feel as though I have regressed.  I want to go to yoga more often, but it is so expensive.  Then, I say, do it more at home.  At home...I am a lazy fuck.  I don't like to work out at all.  I will meditate, but it is hard for me to stay motivated to practice yoga at home. 

Why?  Let me know what you think.

It was hinted at me in the last yoga teacher's class, that I monopolize the discussion and am too didactic in my way of speaking.  Hmmmmmmmm?  We are currently reading the Bhagavad Gita.  I have read it twice.  I was excited to discuss it and I really enjoyed it.  So yes, I was going on and on a bit.  No one else in class was really talking.  My teacher, Dani, kind of pointed out I was talking too much and she was encouraging others to jump in.  Other ladies were talking and asking questions, but not a lot.  I can't help it I had a lot to say.  But really, in the moment, I recognized that maybe other's egos were thinking I was all smarty pants.  I really was not a smarty pants.  Then I think...if I am worried about others and they thinking I am a smarty pants...and caring about it...maybe I am a big ego freak!  YIKES!!!!!

Either way, I think that my true gift is silence.  If I just enjoy learning for myself, it won't overload or overwhelm anyone else.  Don't get me wrong, I love the girls in my yoga class.  Each one I consider a new and blossoming friend.  I am not sure what else to say.  Except...Amy...maybe you come off as didactic and smarty pants...so what?  It really doesn't have anything to do with me.

Well, that's better.  Peace Love
Amy

Love Love Love

Another quick blog post....I want love.  I know I know....I am loved.  I am loved by the UNIVERSE!  I have lots of love everywhere!  I am blessed and blessed and I can't believe how damn blessed I am!  Seriously, I am so happy.  But I want a man.  Not just any man, I want a partner.  I want to have a man with whom I can make love (yeah...the really good kind...even if it's a quickie...and lots...because that's the way I like it!), laugh hysterically all the time, understand the science and philosophy of yoga, (doesn't have to be an expert, but knows stuff or he is interested in learning...ok?), he must love himself in a good, healthy manner, read a lot, appreciate art/music, dance (not well, I like men who dance badly...then we match!) and love life fully.  He doesn't have to have a "career" or make tons of money.  (I will have tons of money : )  He doesn't have to be a male model or be the most handsome man around.  He can be bald.  He can have hair.  He can be anything in the world.  I want a man who is aware of his creative abilities and creates the life he wants.  I want to be his friend and partner.  Oh...and he better kiss so well that I literally collapse.  Sorry, that is a requirement.  : )

Okay, I am working on a post about last Sunday's 6 hour class and my excursion into the real world!  Oy!  I survived.  I just want to put it out there...along with the 2 healthy, happy dogs, I want a MAN.  Yum.

This is a kind of sexy picture, but it's also very artsy.  I will never look like this woman and I don't care if my man looks like this man.  We will look BETTER!  YEAH!

Namaste
Amy

Two Doggies, please : )

I am putting it out there, out into the Universe, I want 2 dogs to love.  I want to be in a good place financially for I want to give only the best care to these 2 babies.  I don't care if they are tiny Chihuahuas or 2 big Golden Retrievers.  I just want to healthy  and happy doggies to care for and love.  It goes without saying, they will love me.  We will do yoga together.  We will sleep together and play together.  I want a furry family again.  Okay, I just wanted to put my furry family wish out there.  What's more official than a blog post??????  I know, impressive.    Namaste  xo

This is not a picture of me and my doggie, though I wish it was so.  : )