Changing My Blog

I am changing my blog.  I am changing everything in my life!  The blog is taking forever and I am taking my time.  The only real change I have made so far is that I have made the background my painting, "my vibrations".  It's tiled so it covers the entire background of my blog. 

I am changing this blog and everything in my life for I am in such a stale place.  It's not a sad place, but it does make it easier for me to be morbid.  I am not saying being morbid is bad.  Sometimes it's hysterical!  But I am too likely to brood for too long so things have to change.

I have no idea what is happening.  I just know it is good.

Please be patient and thank you for following my blog.  Namaste

Saved by YOGA!!!!

Hello Friends!  I am so happy and I feel wonderful!  I went to yoga class last night.  I am so glad I did go and experience tons of love and joy!

As you know, I was going down the old agoraphobic route again.  I probably will always deal with agoraphobia.    I know I can conquer it and be all the better for the fight!  It's not even a fight.  It is really about one simple choice:  I want to feel good/I want to feel bad.

I choose.  I am in control.  I want to feel good.  I want to feel good all the time and nothing is more important to me.  It sounds selfish.   It is the most unselfish thing I could ever possibly do.  It is only when I feel good and put myself first, then I am able to help and love others.  It's that simple.




I have the power to make my life wonderful.  LOVE PEACE JOY



Last night was a wonderful evening of seeing old friends, meeting new people, sweating my face off and working it like a yogi.  I saw my sweetie and yoga buddy, Amanda. She was vibing joy and bliss from her trip to Costa Rica.  I could hardly understand her !  She was talking so fast and so blissfully about her experiences in Costa Rica.  Amanda had a life changing time and she was sending out that vibe like a speeding train!

I was a talky girl too.  I was so happy to see her, still jittery from my fears and being knocked over by her vibe.  Everyone who came in heard my story!  ha  I swear, when I am nervous, I explain to everyone how I am feeling and how happy I am and isn't life great!  ha  I never said I was perfect. 


Then Dani came in sending out love and joy.  Hugging her is like hugging a trusted confidant and teacher.  I guess that is what she is for me.  She is my hero and my guru and I am love it.  It was great to see her and she was all giddy with bliss vibe too.  She had gone to Costa Rica with Amanda for a yoga retreat in paradise.  The pictures prove that it was paradise. 




Yes, that's Dani in Costa Rica!  Yes, she is beautiful.  That handsome fella is her husband, Chris McGuire.  Chris is a great guy and terrific yogi himself. 



Amanda has a picture of herself under a waterfall.  When she had arrived in Costa Rica, she was incredibly ill and her body in horrible pain.  Amanda told me she was ready to leave Costa Rica and come home immediately.  Yet, she went to the waterfall and stood under it.   Incredibly and immediately, Amanda said her illness and pain went away.  She felt well and so happy.  The picture proves this.  Amanda, under the waterfall, looks like bliss.  She is glowing.





Check Amanda out!  She looks so beautiful and blissful!  She is glowing!  What a wonderful experience!



Also, Dani, my friend and teacher, is one of the most beautiful women around.  It's not really her face and body that makes her so beautiful, though she is gorgeous in that way.  Dani is love.  Dani is a teacher and a good one.  Dani really sends love out and really cares about helping people.  She is powerful mentally, spiritually and physically.  Can you blame me for making her my mentor?  My hero?  She is really cool.  She puts up with me and I am a not always easy to understand.  She has great patience and love for me and all her students.  It's real.  I only hope that everyone in the world has a teacher like that in their lives.

My Guru, Vani (Dani) and my yoga buddy, Amanda.  Costa Rica 2012

The heated Vinyasa class was difficult.  It was sweaty.  It was Wonderful!  I felt so wonderful, even when I was shaking in a pose, it felt like power!  Yoga is power.  My body loves yoga.  My heart loves yoga.  My mind loves yoga.  I am a yogi.  I would never call myself that before, but now I believe it.  I am proud to call myself that and not feel the need to say "almost" or "maybe one day".  I am RIGHT NOW!  So, I am an artist, writer, photographer, yogi!  YEAH!



I know that this blog is very self-indulgent.  It is more like a journal entry than a report, but it's mine.  I love it.  I remember hearing a line in a movie, can't remember what movie, and the actor called blogging graffiti with words.  I understand that and agree.  Blogging is a type of graffiti.  We all want to be heard and understood.  Blogging for me is really about sharing my experiences with yoga and everything connected to yoga.  I also look at blogging as practice.  Like everything, a writer needs to practice writing to become good at it.  So, you get to read my practice.  Lucky!  ha

Anyway, I love yoga.  I am sure I will have times when I skip yoga and go into the dumps, it's just me.  It is ok.  I have me.  : )

Namaste
Amy




Tree pose.  One of my favorite poses.  Love Love Love



Spoooooked!

See!  I look like a nightmare!  My eyes tell the story of not eating right for my body and not doing my yoga thing.  yikes!

I have signed up for 8 hours + of yoga for this week.  Why?  Because it scares the crap out of me. 

I have been very agoraphobiaish (my own word, obviously) ever sine January 3rd.  I had gone to the Prana grand opening of their new space.  I had a great time.  Later that evening, around 11pm, I became deathly ill.  I puked every bit of my internal organs out and those of anyone near me.  Then, I began to shit.  I shit and puked until the cows came home.  Then I shivered and ached for a week.  Then I just felt nauseous for about a week.  I finally felt better last week. 

I am one crazy bastard.  Or bitch.   I guess bitch is more correct.  I have allowed myself to get all agora (my abbreviation of my struggle) and not go to yoga since January 3rd!  CRAZY!!!!

I feel like shit.  I look like shit.  I have been eating like shit.  I'm a shit.

So, I am going back.  Tomorrow night is Dani's heated Vinyasa class.  I will be there.  Will I survive?  I will keep you posted.

I have to fight my fears.  I have to take the steps to my recovery from agora and fatassness.  I know I have to do it.  For me.  If I really love me, damn it!  I guess I love you, bitch.  (I am talking to myself.  I do that allll the time.  normal?  who cares!)

I also have to manifest the cash for 2 upcoming workshops at Prana.  In February, Diane Booth Gillam-Yogastrology, is coming to Prana.  I must be there.  I am the angel who hooked Prana and Diane up!  : )  ALSO, my newest teacher, David Romanelli, is coming to Prana in March !!!  Damn!  I need to manifest lots of cash asap!

Please send me abundance in cash vibes !

I will let you all know if I survive this week  You know, I will.  : )





Ganesh will help me kick down the walls of my fat ass and lazy ways!  Namaste


Peace Love Joy
Namaste  xo

Kathryn Budig Workshop

This even happened a few months ago and I am still riding high from the experience.  Kathryn taught me more about just going for it than anyone!  She is amazing.  It was a blessing to meet her.  I felt such joy!

Kathryn Budig-Famous Yogi! 

 

Kathryn Budig, gorgeous, famous yogi from Los Angeles.  She has been on the cover of the Yoga Journal, worked with famous people, traveled all over the country teaching her style and lifestyle.  Ms, Budig was in town for 3 days.  I was going to the Saturday afternoon session of her workshop.  I was feeling kind of scared.  Here I am, very inexperienced yogi, going to a famous yogi’s class.  WHAT?  I didn’t think I would have the guts.  In fact, that Saturday morning, I was thinking of skipping out.  I kind of jinxed myself in many ways that morning.  I did everything especially slow and procrastinated each step of the day.  I thought the session started at 4:30pm, plenty of time.  So, I lazed around watching TV, I colored my hair a light brown (did not turn out), played on the computer.  Well, it was getting late.  I looked at the class schedule, just for fun.  OMG !!!!  Class starts at 4PM!!!!! 




This is an older photo and I am pretending to be alarmed.  Still, I feel this somewhat represents my madness of that day.  Sorry, my eyebrows are untidy in this picture.  yikes!  ha ha

 So, I started screaming all over the place.  My twin sister, Sarah, knowing I have done this to myself for I was trying to get out of it, pretty much told me that and walked away from me.  She wasn’t going to help me????  I rushed into the bathroom to rinse the color out of my hair.  I have a lot of hair and had used 2 boxes of color.  The stuff would not rinse out.  THEN I was worried that the smell of the hair color and conditioner would be disturbing to the other yogis near me.  If that is so, I apologize.  Anyway, I am naked, screaming, rinsing my hair and washing up so fast, there was water everywhere.  I had no time to shave my legs, armpits or put on make up.  I really wanted to look decent for the Kathryn Budig show, and I would look like crap.  CRAP!  I grabbed my yoga stuff and rushed out the door.  Sarah, thankfully, agreed to drive me.  We had about 15 minutes to get there.  I live on the Northest part of town and Budig was at the Southwest location.  UGH  Sarah stayed calm and just drove.  Thankfully, she didn’t pick up on my crazy and drive recklessly.  I texted classmate Amanda, telling her I would be late.  Amanda responded she would save me a spot.  That fact sent a wave of relief throughout my body.  I was crying because I was going to be late.  I was also crying because I realized I had done it all, no one had done this to me.  I had messed up.

When I arrived I was greeted by a couple of new girls at the front desk.  They assured me I had time and had been told I would be arriving late.  The Prana studio looked beautiful.  The lighting was gorgeous and it looked peaceful. 

The large studio room was bustling and full.  The lights were dimly bright.  As I entered, Chris, another yoga teacher training classmate, waved me over to where she and Amanda were, right up front.  They had saved me a spot in the front row, right by the wall.  I felt lucky because I love being by the wall when I am at the yoga studio.  I don’t know why, it’s just more comfy for me.  I set out my mat and got situated.  Chris looked at me questionably, for I had red eyes and dripping hair.  I explained, “I was late so I cried on the way over here.”  She laughed and shook her head.  Chris is like a graceful, fancy lady.  She is older than me by a bit and her body is rocking!  She is great shape and has a beautiful face and hair.  She is very mothering and loving.  She is very dignified and smart.  I really love her and admire her. 



Chris looks gorgeous!  I look UGH!  C''est la vie!  Chris is the gorgeous blond.



I noticed Kathryn Budig.  I was surprised.  Here she was, famous yogi, model, and cool person, yet totally human.  I know, that sounds dumb.  It’s just that she was so tiny and like a normal girl.  She is beautiful, yes, but in a normal, pretty, happy girl way.  She wasn’t all glammed up for a photo shoot; she was just herself, sitting on the floor.  Don’t get me wrong, she is an impressive person and carries herself well.  She was just a small lady, sitting on a bolster and writing with colored markers on a big memo pad.  The big ones that are on a stand and you flip the pages over as you go.    I can’t think of what these items are called.  Anyway, she was wearing a ton of bracelets on her right arm, and she seemed kind of like a fancy hippy.  Then she spoke and commanded all to get it together and gather around her and the poster board.  I was so lucky to be up front.  I felt like she was teaching to me.  I really liked what she had to say and I really liked her style.

Kathryn’s motto, “Aim True”  “My happiness depends on me-you are off the hook.”  Kathryn couldn’t remember where that quote was from, but I know it is from Abraham/Hicks.  Kathryn’s Aim True comes from a goddess she admires, Artemis.  A prayer or statement pertaining to Artemis is, “Make my aim true, give me goals and the means to achieve them.”  I love this mantra/prayer/whatever you want to call it.  It is acknowledging a higher power that is available to you, to assist you in becoming a better you for you.  I really liked it. 

Kathryn talked about living your life in LOVE vs. Fear.  Budig advised we start every single day with intention (or at least try to) and to start the day with what you are truly grateful for in your life.  By doing this, you will become the person you really want to be.  She posted a quote by Joseph Campbell, “Be your own person and not be ruled by the expectation of others.”  Also, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.”  I really love those quotes.  If I can just integrate these tenements, thoughts, into my life and really come to believe them, I believe I could be me, really me, for the first time in a long time.  Budig went on to say”…you are lacking nothing.”  She shared an Irish prayer, “Drop to your knees and Thank God you can stand.” 




Kathryn Budig had posted this on her FB page.  Yes, we are FB friends.  : )  Lucky me!



Budig shared that we have 2 choices we can make.  We can act out of a place of Love or Fear.   To live or to act out of Love, one lives from a place of Hope, an ability to embrace the moment and have belief and confidence in your choices and be grateful.  To act or live out of Fear, one lives from a place of doubt, wasting time in expectations of the worst happening or anticipating the worst to happen, living with a feeling of dread and angst.  Living from Love also means forgiving.  Let it go.  Love Love Love always Send Love to those who have hurt you to heal yourself.  You don’t have to go to them personally and tell them you forgive them; you can do it for yourself to heal yourself.  I really need to do that and heal myself.  I have a lot of pain and anger and hate that I need to heal out of my life.  All that pain is killing me.  It is killing me mentally and physically.  I am punishing myself for that wrong that was committed.  I did nothing wrong!  Why am I hurting myself?  It’s crazy.  I am grateful that I realize that at this moment as I type up my notes.  I am grateful for my own heart and my ability to forgive.



Sweet Amanda!  Throughout my yoga teacher training, Amanda was ALWAYS there for me.  She is a true and dear friend.  xo



Kathryn gave us some homework.  She had listed a few questions that she wanted us to answer for ourselves.  Then, figure out how to apply our positive and loving answers to our lives.  The questions were:

1)      What does “Aim True” mean to you?  (Answer this question-give it some thought-it will change and alter over time.)

2)    Name 3 to 4 Positive Qualities about yourself?  (Awesome, unique qualities, think what your best friend would say)  example:  smart, gregarious, loving, sees the positive side of a situation, great humor…

3)    Take those positive qualities and apply them to your life.  (Create your own path, always chose Love over Fear, it’s up to you.)

4)    Name 3 to 4 poses you are terrified of?  I fear Crow, Head Stand, Wheel pose.  Why?  I fear physical pain, horrible injury or I believe I have a disabilities or being too fat.  That’s me!

If you have real injury, not doing a pose that scares you is intelligence, not cowardice.  A fear of the unknown is what prohibits most of us from doing some poses.  Open yourself up and put yourself out there.  You have to let go, surrender, into the pose.  You will be able to do all poses.  There are plenty of people out there ready to put you down; you do not have to be one of them. 

Ms. Budig also gave us a project to do.  Budig asked that we notice how people who love you react to you and write it down.  Then, write down how you can apply those reactions to your own life.  I love this.  I plan on doing this project as often as possible.  I need to learn how to be positive.  For example, my whole family, who I must assume love me, feel I can become a capable yogi, a published and fantastic author, a rich bitch!  Ha  (when I say bitch, I say it in only the best way.) 

We then went on to practicing yoga.  Most of the yoga was beyond my abilities, yet I didn’t feel badly.  The practice was difficult and fast, yet I was able to keep up in my own way.  Also, she had us go through the poses meaningfully, pausing at each pose with 3 full breathes.  It was an amazing feeling. 

Kathryn stated that she was a very loving person.  She feels that is one of her best qualities.  I have to agree with her.  She is a very loving and caring person.  Budig knows what she is talking about; she so loves and treated everyone lovingly.  She is also really funny and approachable.  I felt no resistance when I came up to her and we had a photo taken.  She had a great humor and was very kind.  What a blessing!  I am so grateful for this experience and I am thankful to Prana Yoga School for bringing such wonderful teachers to their students.  I am so grateful I got there to learn from Kathryn Budig. 



I love this picture.  Yes, I am literally twice the size of Kathryn.  I still love this picture.  Why?  Kathryn really touched my heart.  Kathryn really is a love.  She was a blessing to me.  Hey, she still is !!!!  xo



Peace Love JOY

Marcus Aurelius said.....

“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” ~ Marcus Aurelius


I just read this post on FB and it really struck me.  I have known this, that everything that happens to us is because of our own actions, yet this quote made it finally sink into my heart/soul.  I feel so free!  Isn't this crazy!  ?  One simple quote seen on FB can be so meaningful or meaningless.  Life is so wonderful.  I am so pleased.

I have a Kathryn Budig post, a Wade Morissette post and many more.  I am just getting my head and body together right now.  OH...I am also starting a cleanse.

I love you all.  We are all connected.  What a blessing!

Peace Love JOY
Amy  xoxox

Awakening!  Namaste

By The Way...

I graduated from Prana Yoga School of Yoga and Health on October 3, 2011. 

Well, I still have to make up 2 hours of elective classes.  I hope to complete that soon.  That means, I have to go to a couple or 1 yoga workshop taught by some famous or super cool yogi.  What a drag!  haha

I am very happy.  I still cannot teach a class.  Well, I could teach a class.  BUT I want to be much better.  I still cannot do wheel pose, headstand or plow pose.  Those are basic poses an instructor should know.  I guess, I could skip it.  I don't know, it's a thing for me.  I guess I am happy about it.

The graduation was kind of thrown together.  The studio, Prana Southwest location, was SUPER HOT.  Everyone had brought food.  I, feeling lazy, bought stuff at the Fresh Market.  (By the way, it sucked!  I have never bought anything from the Fresh Market and had it suck as bad as this stuff did suck suck and suck.)  I was drunk.

I should explain why I was tipsy.  My friend, Erin Woods, threw a little dinner party in my honor.  My Mother, Lois and my twin, Sarah, were also invited.  Erin prepared a lovely meal and there was wine.  Well, I drank the wine.  By the time we arrived, I was feeling very good.  ooooops!

It was so hot in the front, Erin, Sarah, Erin's daughter, Etta and I went into the practice studio and sat on the floor.  We eventually mingled a bit, but I am really terrible at these kinds of things.  I like to hide.  I know, nuts.  But I do prefer to hide.




I am the short, chubby one in the back row on the right side.  I hate that when I smile, I put my chin down and my double chin goes triple!  Thank GOD I am so beautiful!  Namaste bitches!


Dani read aloud what the classmates had said about you before the graduates and their families and friends.  I knew that someone would say I was "loud" and sure enough...it was said.  ugh  I felt bad for a second then said to myself, "Fuck you, whoever you are, yogi who said I was loud....FUCK YOU!"  Then I thought to myself...I am loud...even my thoughts!  haha  C'est la vie!  I don't give a rip! 

Dani would say our names and say, "Amy, Thank you for showing up as you are...Our experience of you is..."  Here is what people in my class said their experience of me was...including LOUD!

Expressive, talkative, artistic, kind, ambitious, talkative, crazy, LOUD, enthusiastic, talkative, funny, hard-working, unfiltered, real, funny, loving, determined, on her way, smart, peace, loving, hilarious, authentic, strong, brave, fun, encourager, talkative, nice, outgoing, laughter, French, art, vivacious, open-hearted, and accepting.

It isn't such a bad list.  I mean, I like everything that was said except LOUD!  Yes, if more than 1 person said the same thing, Dani read it again.  I don't know why, but she did.  Then she gave me the certificate thing and her little daughters handed out a pocket sized edition of "Integral Yoga, The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali."  I was a little disappointed.  One of my classmates, Claudia,  said it reminded her of when the Jehovah Witness people hand out those little books.  ha ha  Claudia was always funny and ironic. 

Dani also had a quote that I liked, "One has just to be oneself.  That's my basic message.  The moment you accept yourself as you are, all burdens, all mountainous burdens, simply disappear.  Then life is a sheer joy, a festival of lights."  Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh

Also, Dani's daughter, the oldest, who gave me my little bible..I mean pocket edition of the Sutras, grimaced when I took it from her.  She wasn't pleased she got me.  ha ha  I was tipsy, so I immediately said to her as I took the book, "Oh no, you didn't want to have to give me the book, did you?  Oh, you poor baby."  Of course, I sneered at her.  I hate kids.  I really do and I don't care who knows it.  It's funny, a lot of kids like me.  They are old souls, though.  My friend Erin's little girl, Etta, is a pure old soul.  We get along great.  But if a kid is a brat, I will slap them down.  I believe in treating a kid the same way I would treat a rude adult.  That means, I ignore kids most of the time.  But, like I said, I was a little tipsy!  Hey, I am a wine drinking yogi.  Give me a break!

All in all, I was glad to leave.  It was an okay party yet I didn't feel comfy.  I wanted to talk to the girls, but I had only brief moments with them.  I love everyone in my Kula (yoga group) very much.  I missed Colleen and Tiffany, who missed the graduation.  I am happy I am done with yoga school. 

Now?  Now I continue my yoga journey.  I am still in my infancy as far as yoga is concerned.  I have TONS I need to learn both physically and mentally.  This road will never end.  I feel that with yoga school over, I can enjoy learning.  That is my fault.  I allowed myself to freak out and not just enjoy yoga for what it is.  I do now.  I just go to classes and I do the best I can do.  I still feel badly sometimes.  If I can't do a certain pose or go as fast as the other people, I may feel sucky for a second. Then I say, "fuck it!" and get back to business.  I don't waste too much time feeling badly anymore.  I am there for me.  It's all about me.  I love the new me.

Swami Vidyanananda

Swami Vidyanananda  

First of all, meeting Swami Vidyanananda was a wonderful experience.  I have never met a swami in my life and was unsure what she would be like in person.   From now on, for my sake in typing, I will simply call Swami Vidyanananda “Swami”.  I hope she wouldn’t mind; yet something tells me she would be fine with the shortened name in this much too small note on a very lovely experience.

I was terribly nervous, as always.  Really, I find this part of my current personality very irritating and growing very old.  Yet, I as continue to grow spiritually and mentally healthier, I feel that this trait will diminish.  I didn’t notice Swami when I came into the room.  I was a few minutes late, which I detest.  I prefer to arrive early to get comfy and calm down.  As I arrived, my dear friend and Kula member, Laura, was working the front desk at Prana yoga studio, southwest.  Laura, having been agoraphobic herself in the past, understood what I was feeling.  Laura immediately said to me, “Take a minute Amy, breathe.  You are fine.  They just started.  You are fine.”  Laura’s insightful words and calming demeanor helped me get it together and I proceeded into the studio space.  Dani, my guru, as I entered the studio somewhat late for the event, further supported me with a happy smile and a welcoming gesture.  I rushed to her side to sit on a cushion by the left side of the room.  I still hadn’t really noticed the Swami.  I was concentrating on Dani and what everyone else was doing in the room.  I know, I should only concentrate on my own world and not care or notice what people are doing.  I am on my way, but not quite there yet.  I was also happy to see one of my favorite yoga teachers, Bethanny, come into the space.  We were whispering for the Swami was chanting/praying.  I have no idea.  I heard nothing and have no memory of what she was saying at that moment. 

After this moment of song/prayer, Swami noted that there was space up front and invited for someone to occupy the seat.  I had no intention of going up to the front.  I was happy on the floor on the cushion.  Dani was not satisfied.  Bethanny fell in line with Dani and encouraged me to get to the front.  Disgruntled but trying to appear happy, I went up to the front row of chairs to sit directly in front of Swami.  Dani placed a blanket and cushion for under my feet and I looked up.

There sat a very tiny white lady with long gray hair tied back in a ponytail or braid.  What?  This is the SWAMI VIDNANANDA?    She’s a mouse and she is a white woman.  In fact, she is a white American woman.  What?  I was thinking, Swami = foreign, likely Indian, with a crisp and lilting accent to punctuate her every point.  Nope, this was a little tiny teeny lady who hailed from Florida.  What the hell was this presentation?  Aren’t Swamis supposed to be holy people, all quiet and reverent and prayer like? 

Swami may have been tiny in the size of her physical body, but her spiritual body and personality boomed over me.  She was happy, happy and happy.  She was not perfect.  She was wearing the typical clothes, dyed orange, which one sees on monks and swamis.  She had a scarf around her neck, I would guess, more for warmth than style.  She had on socks that were a beige/whitish color and no other ornament.  Yet she seemed almost glamorous to me.  She had traveled a lot; she spoke French (that’s what she said, so, I am assuming she was not fibbing) and was graceful.  Yet she was also very kinetic and her vibe was strong. 

This workshop was about stress reducing your life.  There was much material covered over 2 days, 6 hours.  I will cover the subjects that I found most engaging. 



Let the stress go!  Don't carry the baggage around and BE FREE!



“When we stretch, we need to learn when our effort becomes a strain, and back off from straining.  Then we can apply this lesson to anything we do.  We can learn how to work in a way that’s relaxed, beneficial and productive.  Straining is painful and leads to burnout and stress.”  Swami Vidnananda handout

Also, Swami stated, if the yoga isn’t yummy, it isn’t yoga.  So, I try to apply that to my own yoga practice.  If it hurts, I stop.  Yoga = Yummy  : )

Swami also said that the difference between sorrow and depression is self-hatred.  That rang true for me.  I realized that I have been building up quite a reservoir of self-hatred since I was a small girl.  I mean, real self-hatred.  I would treat myself so badly physically and mentally, frankly, it’s a wonder I am still alive.  I don’t care to sound dramatic; it’s just the truth.

Swami also stated that if one believes that everything that happens to you comes from the hands of a loving God or Creator, even the bad things, one can get through life with much less stress.  This made me remember the statement, “Give it to God.”  I am not a huge fan of structured religion for me, but I like to take bits and pieces from many beliefs/religions and make them mine.  Giving my problems to God or the Universe or any number of Saints (I was raised Catholic and the Saints are good workers!) does relieve my stress.  Even if it lasts only a moment, it’s a peaceful moment and I am very grateful for it. 

“Relaxation helps us experience an innate sense of self-worth that is not dependent on the approval of others.  I can act free of the tension that arises when I need to prove myself.  I can work with a mind that is creative and open, instead of a mind that is stifled under the pressure of trying to be good enough.”  Swami Vidnananda handout



This is me from about 5 or 6 years ago.  If this Amy knew that I was in yoga and getting my teaching certificate in yoga, she would pass out!  I like this picture of me.  I am pretending to be astonished and excited to be in Angola, In.  I was faking it!  It was for a silly and time waster meeting.  So glad those days are over!  I look cute!  I am so fucking gorgeous, really!  ha ha  Namaste



It has been through yoga and my Yoga Teacher training that I have learned the importance of relaxation.  When I have completed a practice of yoga or meditation, I feel safe, loved and at peace.  When I do not meditate or do a yoga practice, not only do I suffer physically, mentally I am a mess.  It’s so much easier to take the relaxation route.  Being kind to myself has taken time, but it is happening more and more.  By going to yoga, taking the teacher training and attending events/workshops, I give so much to myself.  I feel self-love.  I love Amy.  Xo

Swami also went over some chair yoga poses to help one relax while at work or wherever.  Swamis also recommended we all name someone a “purpose” partner.  This person would help us remain accountable to our goals to relax and lead a more meaningful and enjoyable life.  At least, that is how I understood the concept of purpose partner.  I know I need to change my environment at home and in my heart.  My home is a wreck right now.  There are too many possessions; too much clutter, dirt/dust bunnies and things are in a state of disrepair.  I learned that to clear my heart/mind, I must see it in my house, my work (writing/art/photography in the future) and in my relationships to others.  I want a clear head and heart.  I need to do the work.  A “purpose partner” is needed. 

In the 2^nd day of the workshop, we discussed The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Translation and Commentary by Sri Swami Satchidananda.  Because the Sutras are vast, Swami chose to cover only a few and really speak on them in a broad way.  Swami stated that the Sutras are about training the mind to choose happiness.  One must direct focus to happiness and to renounce anything or anyone who gets into the way to your happiness.  Swami stated that when you have gotten older, your life would be much better and remembered with a kinder eye if you were happy.  Swami went on to say the denser the vehicle the denser or clouded is one’s maya (our senses), our spirit, and our “self”.  Swami stated that we have to be asleep to duality, good and evil.  Our identification with the body made Adam ashamed of his nakedness in the Garden of Eden.  The sense of a separate self is what keeps one from knowing oneself.  We are all one.  The same.  We are not separate.  Swami went on to say that “thought reaps an action reaps a habit reaps a character reaps your destiny.”  In other words, our thoughts, if negative, accumulate like a pile of garbage until a negative trait or action manifests in our life.  So, train your body.  Train your body with Asana and pranayama, and your body will remember and it will be.  It will just be.  Yoga, breathing and meditation, you train your body and your mind goes…Oh..yeah.  I know this stuff. 

One point the Swami made that I adored was this:  …if you notice your thoughts have wavered  (during yoga/meditation) you’ve succeeded at meditation…you simply noticed your thoughts, so you have done it!”

Swami also stated that when you have control over your body, you could have so much more fun.  She also said if you are meditating and your mind is racing, track where there is discomfort in the body and then just be aware of it.  If you need to sit in a more comfy position, do it.  Do whatever you need to do to relieve the discomfort then relax about it.  Do not go crazy trying to figure out why your mind is racing, just notice it.  Being focused and mindful are 2 types of meditation yet they are not exclusive to each other.  Be balanced between the 2 types of meditation.  Yin Yang  Tamas and Rajas  The Sattva guna, rising above the Tamas and Rajas, the balanced calm part of the mind where you see clearly your True Self.  What leads to Sattva?  Your lifestyle choices affect your ability to reach Sattva.  You have to make choices to balance out your mind.  Tamas are the inertia and Raja are the activity.  Sattva balances Tamas as it moves through Raja to get to Sattva.  Swami stated one should learn to apply what needs to be done to get to Sattva, to gain balance. 

Swami stated one needs to practice non attachment.  This will help and increase one’s spiritual practice.  You’ve got to learn to “untie your boat” to gain spirituality.  (Swami Vidyanananda)  Swami recommended a book, The Artist’s Way.  Swami also said, and I love this, “Blame” means giving my power away.  I LOVE THAT!  Get rid of Blame.  It takes your power away.  I love that so much.  Also, say “no” and don’t feel badly about it.  If you feel bad about it, you might as well have said yes.  Remember, even the annoying person complaining to you or bugging you is perfect to the core.  Swami said to detach compassion from co-dependence.  Don’t ruminate over another person’s bad behavior; adopt an indifference to bad behavior and events.  It will save you life.  I feel so good when I am indifferent to other’s bad behavior or whatever is being thrown my way.  I feel free and happy.  I can really smile.  A meaningful smile feels much nicer on my face than a fake smile. 

Swami told me I was “beautifully irreverent” and she hugged me close.  She also asked if she could take me home!  I would have gone.  Think of all the great things I could learn from this woman. 

Swami Vidyanananda, I adore you.  She is someone I consider a real guru.  She showed me what a lifetime of happy could do, as I looked into her shiny eyes and cheeky grin as we hugged.  She is a real person, really doing it.  She is the real thing.  What a blessing.  Namaste

(Regrettably, I have no pictures from my time with Swami Vidyanananda.  I will try to scam some from people in the know, if you know what I mean!  ha)